Staying Home for the Holidays

As the holidays approach and people gear up for family get-togethers, I am feeling relaxed and happy. Several years ago, my husband and I decided that we would no longer go to family member's homes to celebrate the holidays. Instead, we stay home on Thanksgiving and Christmas. The holidays have become so much more peaceful.

Like most couples, when my husband and I got married, we were faced with a decision about how to spend the holidays. My parents expected us to come to their house while his parents expected us to come to theirs. We ended up going to both. We couldn't go to one and not go to the other. Well, we could, but only if we were willing to hear about that particular injustice all year long. Once we bought a house, we thought things would be easier. We would simply invite everyone to our house for dinner. Well, that only worked for one Thanksgiving and has never worked for Christmas. His mother insists that she will still have to cook whether she comes to our house or not and my mother has a large group of people at her home every year so she has to cook as well. We even tried hosting a Christmas breakfast. We asked everyone to bring their gifts to breakfast. We would exchange gifts then and that would free us of our obligation to venture out at dinner. Needless to say, we were still expected at both houses for dinner anyway. Santa leaves gifts at my parent's so the kids have to go there and my mother-in-law insists that we at least stop by and eat. With four kids to drag around, it soon became too much.

About three years ago, as we loaded the station wagon with gifts and planned our return trip the next day to get those that wouldn't fit, we made the decision that we would no longer be leaving our home for holiday dinners. I would cook and we would eat together as a family. Anyone who wanted to join us was welcome. So, the next year, on Thanksgiving, I cooked and we had a peaceful dinner at home. It was just the six of us. Both sets of parents decided to stay at their own homes and cook. All went well, but we were still dreading the guilt trip that we figured would be coming at Christmas. We kept our tradition of going to my mom's house on Christmas Eve for a family get-together and to open one gift. Then, on Christmas morning, while still in pajamas, the kids go back to her house (which I should probably note is about five minutes away so not a huge inconvenience) to see what Santa left them. I take all of the gifts for my side of the family with us. That way when people arrive later for dinner, their gifts are already there. We then go back home, usually before 11am, and we don't leave again that day. I cook dinner, the kids play with their new toys, model their new clothes, and we all have a fun and peaceful Christmas. At some point after Christmas (not necessarily the next day), we go to my in-laws to exchange gifts. We have told them that if Santa left gifts out at their house we would definitely come by in the morning, but they have always balked at that idea.

So far, this has worked well for us. The way we see it, everyone gets to enjoy Christmas. In the past, our kids wouldn't even have time to enjoy their toys and gifts because we would have to leave home. After our first Christmas at home, they approached us and said that they really enjoyed not being in the car and traveling from house to house and wished we could keep it this way every year. We definitely plan to. Hopefully, when the kids are all grown, they will bring their families home to celebrate the holidays. Or, maybe they'll take a cue from their parents and, for the sake of peace, cook at their own homes. As long as they are happy, I will be happy. Remember, where you choose to spend the holidays is not as important as enjoying the holidays.