Staying Married Due to Financial Strain: How Does it Affect Your Children?

The tremendous financial strain that is being felt across the country is also being felt in homes all across the country. Couples who would normally be getting a divorce are opting to stay together purely for financial reasons, opting to live platonically in the same house, but lead separate lives.

In some cases, one or both spouses have lost a job. In other cases, work hours have been cut back. Some have taken pay cuts in order to keep their job from being eliminated altogether. The economy has also affected the housing market, making it more difficult for a couple to sell their home. Quite simply, starting over is simply not an option for some couples.

What does this mean for families across the country? How will this affect the children in such relationships? They see their parents sleeping in separate rooms. They can feel the tension and animosity in the air. They may see mom or dad leaving to go on a date with someone else. In a world where true intimacy is becoming a thing of the past, children will likely begin to view marriage as something that means little more than sharing a roof.

Donna and Mike have been married for 15 years and have 2 children. They have been having marital problems for the past 3 years. Just at about the time Donna was getting ready to leave Mike, she got laid off from her job....putting her plans on hold. Mike's hours were also cut at his job. As a result, the couple was faced with the harsh reality that they simply could not afford to live separately. They now continue to live together, but Donna sleeps in the guest bedroom. There is no intimacy. They try and avoid one another as best as they can to avoid arguing in front of the children. Mike has started dating, and is rarely home to see the children. Donna says that she is scared for her children, because their life is so different from what she had hoped it would be.

What should a couple do if forced into this kind of situation? It is important to be as honest as possible with the children without telling them any of the sordid details of why you and your spouse are living in separate rooms. Do not bad mouth your spouse to your children. Just tell them that mommy and daddy have decided that they get along better if they sleep in separate rooms. Make an effort for the children to see the two of you laughing together and being kind to one another.

Just because you are no longer involved intimately does not mean you cannot treat one another with common decency and respect. When you are tempted to do otherwise, simply think of your children.