Step Parents - What They Face Part II
How to Remain Sane and Still Gain Respect
People considering marrying a "family" instead of just a spouse must remember the critical importance of gaining the child's respect. Trust me, it will nearly always take awhile for the child to love stepparents, but respect from the child to the stepparent precedes love. It is part of the process children of divorce (or broken homes for other reasons) go through.
Since I held the title of Step Mom for thirteen years, I feel very qualified to spend a few moments sharing some thoughts and maybe even some encouragement. I was 26 when I married a man with four children aged 5,8,9, and 11 years old. The 5 year old was the only boy. I did not know then that to undertake this job was going to be huge.
Do I have any advice for someone debating a similar undertaking? You bet! Think things through-I did not. Talk all aspects of parenting through with the individual you plan to marry. Do not put all your energy into being a friend to the child or children; respect for you will probably be lost right there and then. Do not try to replace their mother; do not try to replace their father.
As time passes and the child or children learn that you mean what you say and that you follow through with your decisions, they will not only respect you but will love you for the time and effort you have taken to care about their well being. They will mind you and they will love and respect you; these things are critical to being a good parent and stepparent.
Respect, as you probably already know, must be earned when forming a relationship with a stepchild because you will be tested at every opportunity. You must make your personal decisions as to how you will handle each hurdle that presents itself, but follow through is everything. Also allow the child or children to see that others respect you and honor you as a friend or co-worker.
Gaining respect is work because it requires you to think and plan but a happy marriage could depend on this; a very important reason to form a good relationship with the child or children as soon as possible. Giving gifts is definitely not the answer; by the way, we cannot buy respect or love for that matter and children learn what is going on immediately when this approach is used. Good luck.
Published by Amy Knowse
female; interesting life; have learned many lessons, some painful, I have many hobbies and interests, love to write, have much to tell you, love to ballroom dance, stepmother to four children for 13 years an... View profile
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