(Still Quite) Flawed

It's been four years since I last explored my flaws in written form (I go through them mentally several times daily) and even though I've had fours years to improve upon them, I seem to have gone the opposite route and added more. Now there are the physical flaws that I've developed such as the growing gut but in no way am I saying that being a little chunky is a bad thing, I'm just saying that it's not a good thing. Wow did you see what just happened there? That was me being politically correct. Let's not go there ever again. Honesty is a beautiful thing. So allow me to be honest and not try to keep everyone happy. Because if you said what was really going through your mind (like I do), you know you would be an absolute fountain of judgmental opinionated gibberish that even I of all people would seem like a nice guy compared to it. Which brings me to my first flaw...

I'm too honest. This may or may not seem like a flaw at all to you, but it kind of is to me. Pretty much everyone thinks it's just fine for them to lie but they're lying to themselves upon completion of that thought. Are there situations where it's totally okay and moral to lie? No.

I'm too handsome. From my strong jaw structure to my excellent cheek bones to those sexy lil hints of facial hair, to that sturdy rugged looking chin, I'm a very handsome man. I have an unbelievably gorgeous natural tan thanks to me heritage. Just the slightest of shy little smirks in your direction and you'll be on your knees begging me to kiss your forehead.

I don't say bad words. This may be a flaw to you but I think it displays tremendous self control. I've been using alternate words even sometimes privately because I'm so used to using them out loud. I think you should perhaps try this technique especially around your fat kids. I'm sure even the worst of parents would agree with that. I think almost one hundred percent of you reading this have absolutely no problem uttering "words of encouragement" but I just.. I mean... I grew up in an environment where the people who said them were just... trashy... and at times, drunk. It just always had that "trashy" kind of connotation to me and no matter how pretty or classy others who I've observed use such words over the years are, my feelings about it remain unchanged, at least for now.

I don't do drugs. Therefore I'm boring, right?

I don't smoke. My voice suffers because the this. We all the that smokers have the best voices out there. I mean seriously, how much more manly would I sound if I smoked at all let alone as much as your chain smoking mother? We'll never know.

Too much belly. This one is the most easy to fix...in theory. There isn't much there but it is enough to make me feel insecure because my body just has an awkward look to it and I blame my face for not being fat. If my face was fat, it would match the belly part of my body and presumably my arms and legs would hopefully follow suit so that I can just be a more balanced looking person. But that hasn't happened in a while so I think it's best to just lose the belly fat. Wow it looks so easy when you just type it like that. It won't be, I'm about to learn that the hard way. Let's just stop there before I kill myself.

You can make the argument that none of the above are flaws at all. Thank you.

--Secret Notes --

I debated not putting this up after much thought. What kind of a douche straight up writes about himself like this? I'll try not to do it again. I'm not meant to be taken seriously. Take it as sarcastic satire with a hint of comedic value if even of the lowest form with the slightest bit of an entertaining factor.
The "I'm too handsome" portion of our lovely article here was obviously intended to be total sarcasm but as I started to use bits of truth to make my "case," I realized that I actually am quite a handsome youngish man. I realize that could all change rather soon if my face ever catches up with the fatness that my tummy has developed over the past 13 months. It's hard to say, really. Perhaps I would be even more adorable with a chubby face. I hope we never have to find that out.
My voice. I guess there is some truth to me being insecure about it. There is an illusion that it sounds fairly nice when I'm talking but it wasn't until I heard it on my voice mail message a few years back that I realized just how much my ears were fooling me. I'm sure the words to describe it exist but I don't know what they are. I just don't like the sound of it.
As I read back on it, I absolutely hate the intro. I contemplated changing the whole thing to simply "I'm too handsome" because I hate that intro so much and the handsome portion is pretty much the only part of the article that I like due to its ridiculousness. I think I could have stretched out that concept to a full blown article itself. At the time I wrote it, I thought my stupid little intro was brilliant but now, ugh.. no thanks.
I hope that clears up some of the monstrosity you just read.