Stitch's Great Escape: Walt Disney World Magic Kingdom's Great Disappointment

Disney World introduced a fantastic new ride this year as Animal Kingdom unveiled the thrill-a-minute Expedition Everest rollercoaster. The Expedition Everest rollercoaster is an example of how the Walt Disney "Imagineers" get it right. But what about when those Disney "Imagineers" don't dig down to the deepest recesses of their imagination? Just how bad can it get?

The answer to that question is known as Stitch's Great Escape. Based on the immensely popular-and really the last great Disney non-Pixar animated feature-Lilo & Stitch. How could the studio that created a cartoon of the quality of Lilo & Stitch have transformed it into such a depressingly sub par ride? That is certainly one of the great conundrums surrounding Walt Disney World.

Word of advice to anyone visiting Disney's Magic Kingdom. If there is a line at Stitch's Great Escape you will do yourself by avoiding it. Space Mountain is within skipping distance and even if the wait is over two hours, it will still be more exciting than Stitch's Great Escape. (The wait, I mean, though the ride rocks as well). What an amazing disappointment is Stitch's Great Escape. My family and I went last October during the Disney World Halloween night and were treated to the surprise of there being no line. We walked right up and into the ride.

Disappointment all around.

What is wrong with Stitch's Great Escape? In a word, everything. For one thing, don't be misled by my description of it as a ride. It doesn't qualify as a ride because you don't move. It doesn't qualify as an attraction because there is nothing to attract you. What happens in Stitch's Great Escape? You get strapped into your chair and for most of the next few minutes the lights are off allowing you to use your imagination. Yes, the great idea of the Disney Imagineers in creating a ride based on Lilo & Stitch seemed to have been to get you to imagine the ride. Not only do you sit in total or semi-darkness for most of the "ride" but for most of the time you are supposed to be following Stitch around as he bounces from area to area. Only you don't actually see Stitch; instead you follow a spotlight.

Having fun yet? The highlights, if you will, of Stitch's Great Escape are getting sprayed with water, feeling what's supposed to feel like Stitch or something running around, and smelling Stitch's burp. If you're waiting for me to say this article is just a joke, I'm sorry. It's not. What I just described is all that happens during Stitch's Great Escape. The most exciting part was listening to younger kids screaming in fear when the lights went out. Warning: It gets really dark. I mean really, really dark. And it can be kind of scary for anyone either afraid of the dark or claustrophobic.

It's really a shame, but I suppose it shouldn't be surprising. After all, Disney completely missed the real value of its franchise by focusing on Stitch. Don't get me wrong, I think Stitch can be really funny, but the heart of the original movie was the relationship between adorable little Lilo and her sister. In fact, I still say that a terrific little movie could be made featuring the story of Lilo and Nani before Stitch ever arrived. The real tragedy of the mess that is Stitch's Great Escape is that, as I hope you've noticed, there is no mention of Lilo in it. That's because she plays no part. Stitch is fine character, but he's nothing without Lilo. On the other hand, Lilo provides what may be the finest role model for young girls that Walt Disney ever produced. Lilo is smart, funny, independent and, best of all, she rejects wholeheartedly the notion that conformity is the quickest path to happiness. God, how I wish Lilo was my daughter!

One hopes that Disney will recognize the unique qualities they have in Lilo and ditch Stitch's Great Escape and replace it with some sort of attraction that offers young girls-and boys-a renewed validation of the spirit of the character that comes first in the title of the movies and TV show. Lilo has been unfairly placed in the shadow of the little blue alien. And the Magic Kingdom has suffered for it.