Stopping Child Abuse

Not exactly words that will give you the warm and fuzzies. But words that will definitely get your attention.

Now, image those words being said to a five year old. If you're not shocked, you probably were that five year old hearing these instructions from your parents. Or you are that parent who has held onto a generational ill that allows you to believe talking to a child (your child) in a manner that you would speak to someone who cuts you off in traffic is an acceptable means of discipline and communication.

I am that child who was raised to believe I was "fat, stupid and lazy"; being told at the tender age of eleven that I needed to lose weight because "Men don't want fat women." At eleven I hated men and thought boys were the cause of all of the world's pestilence. So, me caring about them wanting me was not an issue. At least not for me. But the psyche of the adult in charge of me that day thought this was an appropriate discussion for an eleven year old. All as a means of discipline.

I am now working as a Gang Prevention Specialist and have had to stand by and watch yet another generation endure the torment and diseased instruction from elders who are seemingly incapable of not using harmful words to instruct children. It's hard for me to watch single mothers yell and demean their kids because they honestly feel it worked on them. It's hard for me to watch kids cling to the notion that strangers can love them more than the stressed, over worked and under-loved single woman who birthed them at the tender age of 15 (giving gang leaders ample fodder to recruit).

As I outlined in my book Nuggetsfrom a Ghetto Dad, no child should associate yelling, screaming, and demeaning behavior as acts of love. Fond memories of being beaten with an extension cord should not be fond nor remembered. And those who grew up in environments where they were beaten with the underlining belief that it was all done in "love" should own up to the fact that they are not all right and that there is no shame is asking for help.

I spoke with a lady once who didn't understand my outrage when she told me a story of someone she knew who threw their two year old daughter into a wall for spilling fingernail polish on the new carpet. I said, "Are you for real?! Is that person in jail?" "Naw. But I bet that little heifer will know not to touch that polish again" was her response.

This is the mentality that is keeping a riff between inner city parents and their children. It is also the big picture in why inner city children are not developing successfully.

Discipline is very necessary for all children. Actually, children crave structure. "No", is a tool of discipline. "Get your homework done now" are words that should be used as a means of discipline. Throwing a child, beating a child with an extension cord or hitting a child with an iron skillet (by law) are criminal acts. If it's something that makes you recoil as an adult, think back to when you were a child and how it made you feel then. Now, look your child in their eyes and try hard to find another solution.

If you feel you are at the end of your rope and know you are at a point of hurting your child or any child in your care, please seek help. There are many national agencies that offer parenting classes that will help you to find sensible and calm solutions to discipline your kids.

For your sake and the safety of your children and family, please reach out to someone for help: family, friends, clergy or therapist. If you do not have or do not feel you can trust anyone close to you here are some resources to make your house a home.

http://www.helpguide.org/mental/child_abuse_physical_emotional_sexual_neglect.htm
http://www.foothillsalliance.org/help_child/
http://www.jimhopper.com/abstats/
http://www.mincava.umn.edu/link/documents/fvpf2/fvpf2.shtml
http://www.charityguide.org/volunteer/fifteen/child-abuse.htm
http://www.childabusers.org/