Stories from Parents and Teachers: Teaching Kids About of Giving

Every year as Thanksgiving and Christmas approach, words like donating, charity, giving back, and volunteering suddenly make their way into everyday conversations. Sadly, these same words and the meanings behind them are often tossed aside and forgotten like an unwanted present once the holiday season ends. For me, giving to others is simply a way of life, something I've always done. It is something valuable I want to instill in my children. And I'm not alone in my quest. I spoke with over 75 parents, grandparents, youth workers, and educators to see what they had to say on the subject of teaching kids the true spirit of giving. Here's what some of them had to say.

"I think the best way is by modeling it for them throughout the year. Children most often look at what you do and not so much what you say," shares one mother, Stephane Paul.

Opher Ganel, echoes that sentiment. "The way my wife and I use is like Kathy's - leading by example. When my mother-in-law, may she rest in peace, was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma, a blood cancer, my wife signed up to raise funds for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society by running half- and full marathons. I announced my intention to raise funds by riding 100-mile bike rides. Our then-19-year old said he'd raise funds and ride with me, which is exactly what he did. Together we raised $5200 that ride."

My own dad, Bernie Jordan, who is also a pastor, also offers this reminder. "Let them see in your life how great the rewards are when you give to those who need the help. Money is not the only way to give. Your time and your knowledge also can help."

"We're making a handprints poster as a class this year. We're putting a picture of our class in the middle of the poster, and sending it to a missionary family in India. We're also collecting soup tops and giving them to Ronald McDonald's house. It isn't much, but these kids are two, so it's fun and simple. It is a good way to start," says Lisa Dubose, who is a teacher and mother. "Also, My family and I are volunteering by wrapping up cookies at a local radio station to give families in need. We didn't have a lot of money this year, and what better thing to give than our time."

Kate Handy, a mother and elementary school teacher, has this to say about teaching kids the true spirit of giving. "Have them give! Not just things, but compliments, love, baked goods, notes, drawings, get well/birthday/holiday cards, help, etc. If it's a way of life at home, kids will learn to be givers. My daughter, Grace, and I have attended Relay for Life many times together. Also, we often pack up books and toys to give to children who don't have as much. Baking a special treat for her friends at daycare or delivering veggies from our garden to friends are also things we love to do together."

"I think the best way is to get the students involved," adds Andi Caldwell. "As a teacher, I pick six to eight charities and present them to the class. The class votes on which charity to contribute to or help out. We do a combo of money giving and time."

"For me, the best way is to lead by example. I tend to share what I have and try to help people out if I can," says mother, Kathy Foust. "On a regular basis, Hunter and I go through his toys and clothes every year before Christmas. He gets to pick who we give the clothes to, then we donate the toys that are in good shape to Goodwill. He's not allowed to pick who the toys go to just so we can avoid any awkward moments. So far, the spirit has worked well with him. In fact, the other night at the movies he had a toy in the car and he asked me to help him pick a car 'with kid accessories' so he could leave the toy at the car. We picked one that wasn't in real good shape so we knew the toy would go to someone that might actually need it. He put it on the roof by the driver's door so it couldn't be missed."

Cyndee Kromminga shares her family's personal story. "I started a tradition with my kids after my son died. Casey was almost 4 that first Christmas and I was pregnant with Colby. We picked an angel ornament from the mall Christmas tree for a child the same age as Brady. We have continued doing that every year, picking a child the same age as what my son would be at the time. It started as a way of easing the pain, and turned into a tradition that my boys, now teenagers, wouldn't think of stopping."

"At Christmas time, as a family, we pick an act of kindness to do for a neighbor or needy person without them knowing," parent and educator, Candace Boll says. "Also, the kids save up their money to fill a shoebox for Operation Christmas Child or something similar. It helps us all to learn the art of giving and not always getting."

Lyn Lomasi offers one way she practices giving with her kids. "We go through our gently used clothing and toys a few times per year to donate them to families who are less fortunate. That experience teaches the kids about value, as well as helps to instill the spirit of giving. We make sure to give them to charities that directly serve those in need, rather than those who sell them."

Linda Ann Nickerson adds, "When my children were young, we enjoyed finding ways to help other children in need, particularly at Christmas. Each December, our church had an Angel Tree, where children could pick gift tags for boys and girls their own ages that had a parent in prison. The tags would list specific gifts those children would like to receive. Each of my kids would pick a tag, and we would shop together for suitable items. Often, an Angel Tree child would simply ask for a coat, a pair of jeans or mittens. This taught my own kids a lot about having and not having... as well as about generosity. We also enjoyed filling shoeboxes with candies and small toys together for kids overseas for Operation Christmas Child."

"When we go out to buy presents, we have our kids go on a trip just for needy children," says Jan Corn. "We also deliver the items to the family's home, usually by just knocking on the door and then sitting in our car to see them pick up the items from 'Santa'. We make sure they celebrate Christmas first or else we have the items delivered with appropriate messages for the holiday."

Christine Jefferds believes in starting kids young. "I let my daughter, McKenna, put our change in the Salvation Army kettle and in the other random ones they have throughout the year (like for cancer), and explain to her that it's to help people that don't have as much as we do. Well, as much as you can explain this to a 2 year old. I also had her help me pick out a child from the Salvation Army tree and then shop for the gifts. She doesn't really get that she's 'giving' yet, but that will come in time."

Jeff Bevelheimer shares this touching story. "Years ago, my family needed help with food and other things during Thanksgiving. Seems that the school, church and other family members all heard about this and surprised us. We ended up having 4 turkeys and something like 6 or 8 large boxes full of food. We also ended up with a number of other items we needed. Problem was we didn't need quite this much and didn't really have to room for all of it. After thinking about things for a while, my wife and I finally agreed to the kids' idea. Our oldest daughter had mentioned something about homeless people and how she wished we could invite them in for dinner. We couldn't do that exactly, but we could help somehow. We loaded up the van with all the extra food and other items we received and drove over to a homeless shelter. There we donated about 4 or 5 boxes of food and stuff, including 3 of the 4 turkeys. The kids loved this and looked forward to helping in other ways for many years to come."

"I actually do several things," says Lisa Carey. "The children are involved in creating, signing, and mailing thank you cards for the gifts they receive to teach them appreciation for all their blessings. We also provide them with money to donate at Mass on Sunday's when they call for the children to come up, and they are told why and how it is used. Before Christmas we clean our gently used toys and donate them, clothing and food to the pantry - even my 5 yr old says 'to help people who need extra help or don't have food or presents.' Our family also spearheads a toy donation in the neighborhood. Donations of toys and personal care items are collected for Star of Hope (a local place), and the children go down there with me to drop them off so that they can see the happiness that their giving to others brings. Once you do these things, giving to others in some way (friends, family and strangers) becomes second nature. At least I hope so. I actually was raised from a very young age to help others and to give - it's one of my earliest childhood memories with my father and one that I will always treasure. I want my children to have that too."

The stories and methods are varied, but three themes repeat time and again in the interviews: give of whatever you have (talent, time, resources, love), get kids personally involved in the giving, and teach by example.

Consider these words from Sir Winston Churchill, which were the inspiration for this article. "We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give."

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Interviews with over 75 parents and educators