Straight Men in Short Shorts: New Fashion Trend?

Original style is hard to come by. Today it's nearly impossible to decipher the punk from the frat boy, the tattooed tennis star from the tattooed poet, the goth kid from the twenty-something accountant out for a night of clubbing.

In the past, only members of a specific subculture could maneuver its trends. An example would be the so-called Greaser movement of the 1950s, when a small percentage of youth rebelled against Eisenhower's America by turning up jean cuffs, rolling up T-shirt sleeves, and slicking back hair with mass amounts of pomade. It was their look; there were no imitators.

Now all one needs is the Internet, cable TV and a current issue of US Weekly to become something they're not. The squares have located the blueprints. Halloween is 365 days a year. The underground is the new foreground.

So what's the solution for the die hard champion of strange? Those of you who have blazed an endless trail of fashion, only to see it hijacked by the masses? Two words: short shorts. But not just any style: Ocean Pacific corduroy walk shorts circa 1975.

Whether they're authentic OPs or a knockoff matters not. The important thing is to carry yourself like the best man at an old friend's wedding. Never mind the heavy stares and double takes of a society that veils the power of the masculine knee. Remember, you're the one in charge now.

The first few outings in your man-shorts will undoubtedly be awkward, but once you've had time to adjust, the spoils will be undeniable. Any man who can stomp into a crowded room exposing three-fourths of his thigh muscles will demand the attention of every female present.

"The shorter the better," says Amy Pickering, fashion editor at You Now magazine. "Most guys don't realize their legs are a top resource. Women are drawn to the superior shape."

The effect of these magic-wand shorts is so hypnotic, so blush producing, it can only be compared to the first glimpse American girls had of the Beatles' shaggy hair on The Ed Sullivan Show in 1964. Pure mania.

Before you can process what's happening, women previously considered unattainable will be taking the initiative. Every time you try to order a drink one will be ordered for you. The contacts list on your phone will swell with beautiful names belonging to even more beautiful faces. Stories about you will be whispered and sighed at in every ladies room on the main drag.

A style this bold and forbidden, this sexy and ridiculous, is bound to make you unstoppable. Two of the most attractive traits a man can possess are a sense of humor and an air of mystery. By simply showing a little leg you can lock down both in a single swoop. You'll have that individuality back, and, bragging rights for taking part in another fashion uprising.