Strangers and the Stress They Create for Autistic Children

It's 4:30 p.m. on a Thursday afternoon. I've ran several errands with two of my children. My tween daughter and I, with my Autistic 4 year old set out to Lowe's, Wal-Mart and then Pet Smart. All were planned to be quick, efficient, and all without pushing my youngest sons comfort levels overboard. A total meltdown with him leads to me fighting a panic attack...there's been a few shopping trips that have left us both sobbing for a few minutes after we were secured into our seatbelts. But we do the best we can do, and it's really pretty good.

So, we've ran these other errands and he's done so well. He was good in the store as I picked out the fish and plants I wanted and I was feeling so accomplished with our outing. We get to the counter and there is the woman who has worked there for many years and has just always been an unpleasant woman. I could really care less but she's rude to my children and corrects them like a parent should...a total stranger, disciplining my children? I think not.

I always just try to be pleasant, as I did today. Between trying to balance my oldest daughter, my youngest, and pull out my debit card to pay my balance, my son took my keys from my hand. I'm thinking, "It will occupy him for a second so I can finish this transaction and we can go." Two seconds later, I notice him hovered by the Humane Society donation box, trying to fit my key into the lock. I immediately stopped him, explained that the key didn't go to that lock and he would break Mommy's key. Keep in mind, he is four but at the development of a 2 year old.

Okay, I think I have it solved. Go back to my business, toddler at side, and the cashier starts in on him about how it would be so wrong of him to steal money from homeless animals. I was floored. I glared at her something fierce and said, "He's Autistic and he has a fascination with locks. He was NOT trying to steal anything." She actually had the gall to tell me, "He still shouldn't have been doing it." So, I had the gall to call the manager and have a chat. I'm going to enjoy that gift card, thank you!

What has floored me though is the comments, stares, and reactions that I've received from people who are totally ignorant to the disorder...to people in general really. Total strangers have some audacity at times, I tell you. The first time an older "gentleman" told me, "What that boy needs is a good spanking," I thought I would flip. I wanted to dive across the conveyer belt at the grocery check-out and choke him. Instead, I held composure and after a few seconds replied, "Are you an Autism Specialist?" The look on his and the cashiers' face was priceless, and as he stammered to apologize, I just went back to unloading my groceries. I've learned some very smart comebacks, and yes, I practice them in the bathroom as I shower, worrying about how the daily outing will go. I've found that it takes very few words really to put an immediate end to inappropriate behavior towards a special needs child. No one wants to be loudly and publicity labeled making fun of a handicap child.

The spotlight needs to be on Autism for awhile. People need to have it in their faces, know what they are dealing with...what us parents are dealing with. Once you've figured out the Autistic mind, think about how it must be to be the lifeline to that person. It's a hard life. Rewarding, yet very challenging. But their routine is your routine and honestly, you begin to feel Autistic yourself at times!

People need to see that Autism is not just Rainman, it's not just the serious cases you saw on the Dateline Autism Series. There are "milder' symptoms and to the untrained eye they may really look like behavior problems, especially in public because their environment is so uncontrollable and most Autistic children have no awareness of how other think about them...like, they don't get embarrassed by you seeing them cry or show emotion. So, tantruming in Target for a solid 45 minutes pleases them just fine.

Parents of Autistic children need many things and believe me, we are living a stress that only another parent of a disabled child can know. We are dealing with enough without dealing with your rude comments, comments on parenting (no matter how helpful you think you're being), or just that look of, "What the heck is wrong with your kid?" We need you to keep walking by as you hear our children throwing a tantrum and ignore them. Don't stop and talk to them, tell me what worked for you, or just stand there and stare like I'm a freakin 3-ringed circus. Just walk on by.