Stressful, Exhausting and Confusing: A Caregiver's Life

Being a caregiver for someone with a terminal or life-limiting illness can be very stressful, exhausting and, at times, confusing, especially if the patient is a loved one.

When you get totally stressed out, you may find yourself suffering from a mild form of depression. This is usually temporary. Sometimes you only need to "let off steam" to make yourself feel better and be ready to face another day. It helps to have a family member or a close friend that understands and doesn't mind if you call them up just to release your feelings. Let them know to expect a call from you when things seem to be more than you can handle, but let them know that these will be temporary feelings that will be over with as soon as you say them. Always remember to call them back later and let them know that you are fine so they won't worry about you.

Care giving can be totally exhausting, not only physically, but mentally, too. If the patient has limited capabilities, the physical work can be very hard. You might want to check into resources such as, hospital bed, wheelchair, lifts, bedside potty, etc. to make your work a little easier. The mental exhaustion is just as hard. It can wear you down just by second guessing yourself when you have to make all the decisions on your own, such as: when to call the doctor, when to give pain medicine if patient cannot tell you, should I do this or should I do that?, etc. Try to take as many breaks as you can. Nap when patient naps if possible. If you have someone that can stay with the patient for a couple of hours, leave the house and run errands or just go for a drive. If you don't feel comfortable leaving, then take advantage of your break and enjoy an hour long soak in the tub.

Stress and exhaustion leads to confusion. This is where the second guessing really sets in. You will find yourself wondering if you're doing the right thing, saying the right thing, even thinking the right thing. Trust your instincts and chances are you will be doing just the right thing for your patient. By now, you know how your patient feels about his/her condition. You are the best judge of how to answer their questions, rather they really want to know the whole truth or a sugar-coated version, rather they want you to deny their fears and say they will get better or rather you should let them know that it is okay to go. Don't get upset about some of the thoughts you have. It is completely natural to have random thoughts like, maybe it would be better if he/she would just go ahead and die. We all hate to see anyone suffering, especially if it is a loved one, so we naturally want the suffering to end, even though we are not ready for them to die.

**It's important to keep in mind that every individual, family, and situation is different. Words of wisdom and advice from family, friends, and professionals may not always apply to you and your situation.