Struggle with Bulimia

Mia is not my friend. I thought she was for quite a while. She always knew what to say and what I needed to keep the faith. Mia helped me deal with failures, dissapointments, celebrations and all kinds of life events. Mia even helped me lose weight. She sounds like a great friend, right? Too bad Mia detroyed my self worth, my first marriage, and she almost destroyed me.

Oh, our relationship started simply enoughj. I was looking for diet tips on the internet and her website popped up. I swore to myself that Mia would never become my friend. I didn't need her in my life, I could do it all on my own. Lack of will power and a weak ego proved otherwise. I couldn't do it on my own. I needed her guidance. I needed her help. It didn't take much to convince me where I wanted to be. I began our affair in secret, spending the wee hours of the morning reading her websites, finding her friends. Mia's friends would share her secrets, her hopes, her dreams, all with her consent. Mia's community of friends were more supportive then my own, or so it seemed. I would do anything to make her happy. I became very focused on doing anything and everything to be worthy of her friendship. I spent money I did not have and kept secrets at every turn. I left an anniversary weekend so I could talk to her and devote time to her. I became selfish, tired and angry. My divorce was really no surprise.

I gave up our friendship for a while. Secrets were impossible to hide in my new living environment. She would sneak in now and then, but she couldn't stay for long.

I met someone who I told my innermost secrets too. He proved that I was indeed a better friend and more then good enough for Mia. For three years I lived without her in my life.

Lately I have heard her whisper. She sneaks in during my weaker moments. She tells me what I think I want to hear. Sometimes I let her stay for a few days or weeks, but ultimately I drive her away. I am stronger then her now, I have to be.

Mia is not my friend. Mia is bulimia, and I struggle with her everyday.