Stucco Eating Termites Discovered in California

LOS ANGELES: A new species of termite has been discovered in the San Fernando Valley that eat stucco. "Civilization as we know it is threatened," commented Wendy Woodle, spokeswoman for the Southern California Homebuilders Association.

The new breed of termites is the product of evolution according to scientists at the General Delivery University. "Critters evolve in response to environmental pressures and opportunities," noted Pancho Perdito, head of the GDU Department of Domestic Pests. "Whenever there is a shortage of one kind of food, and an abundance of another kind, it is either starve or adapt," Perdito continued.

"Termites eat wood, and the amount of wood used in new home construction has been steadily declining for many years, while the amount of stucco has increased," Perdito explained. "The termite population faced extinction, so it evolved to eat the stucco."

EPA bans on pesticides that effectively killed termites is also blamed for the new species of termite. "The little rascals actually eat the stuff used to kill them now," Woodle said.

And in Southern California, many are worried over reports that small colonies of concrete and asphalt eating termites have also been discovered near San Bernadino.

"Can you image what would happen to America if we had termites eating up every road and street in the country?" asked Floyd Finagle, head of the Los Angeles Department of Public Works.

Environmentalists were quick to file an application with US Fish & Wildlife to have the new species of termite declared endangered. "Allowing these new insects to proliferate would greatly reduce the impact of human development on the environment," noted Sari Selhout with the Southern California chapter of the Sierra Club. "In less than 100 years, if these new species of termites are allowed to spread, humans will be reduced to living in mud huts and walking wherever they want to go. That would be wonderful," Selhout added.

One solution to the stucco eating termite problem that reportedly has worked is to replace the walls of homes with adobe, an ancient building material. "This will work pretty well for homes," noted Finagle, "but we're going to have a problem replacing the concrete and asphalt in our freeways with adobe."

Residents of East LA, who are predominately Latin, and quite experienced with adobe construction from their homelands, are viewing the potential explosion in demand for adobe brick making and construction with guarded optimism.

"Can you image how much work there will be if every Gringo home has to be rebuilt with adobe, and we're the only people who can do it?" commented Nacho Nabor, head of the Union de Adoberos, the union for adobe contractors.

"The problem is adobe has been banned as a building material by the Anglo building codes for many years, for purely racists reasons, even though the oldest buildings in the Southwest are built with adobe."

(Note: This article was first published on my web site The Frumious Bandersnatch http://www.bandersnatch.com)

Copyright 1998-2009 by Hugh A. Holub