Student's Guide to Mississippi State University and the Starkville Community

First off all, let me lay down a few rules that apply no matter what college or university you attend.

Rule Number One: You are going to have to stand in line. Some of these lines will be unbearably long. So long, that the most grizzled of Disney World veterans will marvel at them. Complaining about the size of the line will not make it go any faster, nor will it eventually do away with them. Standing in line is your destiny. Accept it.

Rule Number Two: The line you are not in will always move faster that the one you are in. If you switch lines, your new line will immediately slow down while your former line will magically speed up. Science has yet to prove why this phenomenon occurs, but I can save you a lot of headaches and minor psychotic episodes by telling you this now.

Rule Number Three: There is not a single college, university, or tech school in the country without a parking problem. Mississippi State is no different. Nothing you say, do, or write will solve it. It is your destiny. Accept it.

Rule Number Four: There's this thing called "class." You need to go to it in order to pass. Passing is something you want to do if you want to remain a college student. Many freshmen forget this amidst the fun of football games, hanging out with frat brothers and sorority sisters, and general first-year mayhem. People can still fail classes here. It's kind of like real life in that regard.

Rule Number Five: The campus police are not an infernal army of soul-less demons whose only source of pleasure is the suffering of mortal college students. They're just regular Jacks and Jills trying to do a job. Don't give them all nine levels of Dante's hell when they write you a parking ticket. Just smile, nod, and appeal your ticket to the traffic court.

Rule Number Six: At some point this semester or next, you are going to be approached by someone running for something. It'll be Student Government, Homecoming court, or something like that. Now while I am a firm believer in people voting, I don't like vigorous campaigners who don't say so much as two words to you until they need your vote. So, when one of these people asks for your support, tell them that voting for them is against your religion. Or if it's a candidate for Homecoming Court. Tell her, "Sorry, but you're just too (ugly/fat/blonde/brunette/redheaded/take your pick) for my vote."

Last but not least, when it comes to dealing with administrative bureaucracy:

A) Assume nothing. The first three letters of "assume" should tell you all you need to know about doing that.

B) Don't trust anybody who doesn't give you their name. A person who doesn't give you a name can't be held responsible for what they tell you.

C) Make copies of everything. It's sort of like making sure to wear clean underpants: you just never know.

D) Don't stop bothering people until you get a straight answer. The squeaky wheel gets the greasing.

So with that being said, let me introduce you to Mississippi State and the Starkville community.

One of the first things you will notice about MSU is the construction. Construction has being ongoing at this school for the better part of the last ten years. I'm not sure, but as Lewis Grizzard once said about Atlanta, it is entirely possible that the original plans were lost and rather than admit this, the university simply sends out construction crews every day to build random stuff.

All I can tell you about construction is mind the guys in the bright orange vests.

Alsowhile you are at MSU, you owe it to yourself to try three things:
1. At the State Fountain they make these fruit bars. They are positively divine.
2. At the Dairy store, they sell cheese and ice cream made by the dairy science department. Both of which are also positively divine.
3. You're going to hear a lot of talk about Little Dooey's Barbecue. Don't listen. Instead, go down Highway 12 to Petty's. You'll thank me.

If you decide live on campus, as many do, you'll be glad to know that at least some of the construction has been to improve the dorms. Ruby Hall was recently completed so if you are assigned there, congratulations!

When buying textbooks, I recommend the Campus Book Mart on Lee Boulevard. Customer service is outstanding, and you pay a little less than you do at the on-campus store. Plus, since the on-campus store is a nationally-known chain, by shopping at Campus Book Mart, you support a locally-owned and operated small business, and the Starkville community itself. In addition, when you go to Campus Book Mart, you see where the Methodist and Baptist Student Unions are. Both of whom offer good clean fun and a host of potential new friends. There are also apartments and houses to rent along this road as well. And a REALLY good Chinese place called Great Wall.

Should you decide to venture off-campus, you will find a plethora of apartment choices. "The Commons" is close to campus and fairly popular, as is the new 21 complex. Of course, the Cotton District has always been a hot spot and they are adding new units as we speak. However, the Commons, 21, and the Cotton District are likely to be expensive and hard to get into. For the price you pay at those places, you and some friends could actually rent a house, which is actually a popular choice among some students. If you go outside of Starkville into the county, you are likely to find a house or even a nice trailer to rent at a very reasonable price. I recommend the area west of Starkville, either on highway 82 towards the towns of Maben and Mathiston, or on Highway 12 towards the towns of Sturgis and Ackerman.

Nightlife in Starkville has improved much in recent years. Of course, the older places, Dave's Dark Horse Tavern, and Rick's (both located on Old Highway 82) are still very popular with local and nationally-known acts frequenting both. One of the newer places, Remington's Hunt Club, is also very popular and frequently holds concerts, contests, and promotions. Downtown Starkville also features some nice places to wine and dine and catch some bands. Mugshot's Bar and Grill, The State Theater, Whiskey Blues, and Old Venice Pizza Company are the hot spots downtown.

MSU offers a free off-campus bus service that will take students to some of the more popular shopping areas as well. Buses run to the Wal-Mart Supercenter, Kroger plaza, 911 Main, and Southern Family Stores, which pretty much covers most people's off-campus needs. Buses also run downtown, where a few niche shops are located.

So that's Starkville in a nutshell. Hope to see you around my town. See you at the Egg Bowl. (For you foreigners, that's the annual football game between Mississippi State and that school up at Oxford).