Submitting Your Will to God

Being alone has always been one of my hardest struggles. When I was younger I did a lot of wrong things to fill the void. I went to bars and hung out with the wrong people and got myself into several abusive relationships. I began to wonder if I had a sign on my back saying, "abuse me." It took a very long time of heartache, pain, and abuse before I finally stopped trying to do things my way and laid down my will. I knew before I could do that I had to sincerely desire God's will for my life no matter what it might be. There were a few things I desired that were pretty hard to let go of, but, when I looked back at the mess I had made doing things my own way, I was a little more willing to hand it over to someone who knows better. It was my first lesson in trust.

The hardest thing I had to lay down was my desire to have a good man in my life. I was never good at relationships and I longed to have a good man to share my life with. Now I was faced with whether or not I'd be able to accept spending my life alone. I wasn't sure if I had enough trust. Did I really believe God knew better than I did what was best for me? Then I was reminded of how God tells us in the Bible His ways are not our ways. While I was thinking of being loved by a man, He was trying to make me see that He loved me more than any man on this earth ever could. He was offering me Perfect love and I decided I wanted it and it was enough. That was my first step towards laying down my will. In my favorite book "Hinds Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard, the main character, Much Afraid, goes through many trials and tribulations before she is finally able to submit her will. The book portrays her trials as a journey through treacherous terrain and when she finally lays down her will it's portrayed as pulling her flesh heart out of her chest and laying it on the altar. That's pretty much what it was feeling like to me.

I've been alone for a pretty long time now and I still don't like it, but I try to fill my time seeking His will for my life and reaching out to others. He never fails to bring someone into my life that needs encouragement or some kind of help. I'm always busy doing something. I still get lonely and sometimes I get discouraged and maybe even a little resentful. It seems I'm always taking care of someone else and my life is just not my own. It just doesn't seem fair sometimes. But then it hits me and I have to smile. My life is NOT my own, thank God. I remember how left to my own devices I bring nothing but heartache and pain on myself. My life is HIS, it's in His hands, and I'm so very thankful.

There are always going to be hard times. People will try your patience and things won't go right. But, no one is perfect so try not to come down on yourself too hard when things start to get to you. Every hard time you go through has a lesson for you to learn, whether it is patience or endurance, or just an invitation to lay it all down and give it to God. He's there with you always, loving and guiding you, even when you don't acknowledge Him. He's just waiting for you to reach out to Him.