Suburban Mom Tries to Get Her Goth Back

The day started out like any other normal day. I got the kids up, fed them breakfast, and put them on the school bus. The only significant difference was it was thunder storming outside. I jumped into the shower and decided that today would not be a good hair day. I'd have to straighten it to just keep it from looking like a frizzy clown wig that was wider than I am tall.

Now, it takes me awhile to straighten my hair and I have to use a ton of products to keep it that way. That's why I only do it a couple of times a year, at most. When I finally got my hair de-frizzed I looked in the mirror and had a flashback from many years ago (I'm not going to tell you how many, but let's just say I remember the last time leggings were in style) when I went through my brief Goth period. Sure, back then my hair was black; not the reddish-brown it is today. Black hair made a statement, at least before it started turning gray.

My Goth flashback may be because it's getting close to Halloween. I love Halloween and am always tempted to buy one of those sexy short-skirted costumes. But I refrain because a) my husband would kill me and b) I no longer have the body for it like I did back when I was younger, before kids, and 30 lbs. of baby fat that I swear I'm going to lose by next swim season.....I swear!

Speaking of my husband killing me, he hated my gothic phase. He doesn't particularly care for leather, chains, boots, and black everything. That's probably why my Goth period was so brief, I think we were dating at the time.

So today I pulled out my eyeliner and mascara. If I couldn't have black hair (I know I COULD have black hair but a dye job was NOT in my plans for the day) then I was going to emphasize my eyes in my old gothic style. I normally don't wear a whole lot of make-up. I just wear a touch of blush and eyeliner so just adding the mascara made a bold statement.

I looked through my bag of lipsticks and glosses trying to find my black lipstick. It has been tucked in this make-up bag for years. Then I remembered that I threw that away last year thinking that I would never think of wearing black lipstick again and even if I did I have no idea how long black lipstick lasts. Come to think of it, I'm glad I didn't find it because it could have killed me with some unknown gothic bacteria as soon as it touched my lips. So I settled for poker straight hair and piercing eyes. I was pretty happy with the look.

Since I'm a t-shirt and jeans sort of gal, I have nothing in the gothic style at all. I did remember a pair of gothic boots that I loved. After digging through the closet for a couple of minutes I realized I donated those boots to Goodwill the last time we moved, almost five years ago. The tight black pants, not that they would fit anymore, went with them.

I threw on my jeans, a Mickey Mouse t-shirt, and sandals to run some errands. The straight hair looked pretty good, my eyes looked fabulous (until it down poured again), and I regained a little of the youthful confidence I once had.

What exactly was I looking for? Was I trying to be something I'm not? No. Was I somehow trying to regain my youth? Definitely no! I'm actually quite happy with the age I am and have enjoyed most periods and phases I've gone through.

So why the sudden desire to go Goth again? Apparently I was disillusioned with the idea that, at the time I went through my Goth phase, I was confident, sexy, and sultry. Something today made me want to regain that feeling.

I didn't want to be sexy for other people; I wanted to be sexy for me. I admit it, I like the feeling. I've never been a raging beauty but I also think that sexy is only half looks and the other half is attitude (OK, I saw that expression on a magnet today, but I thought it appropriate).

So if attitude is the way to feel sexy and sultry then I'm the happiest suburban living, SUV-driving, Cub Scout toting, homework checking, Target shopping, approaching middle-age mom and wife on the planet. Oh, and I also bought a little tube of black lipstick today. It's almost Halloween, ya' know!

And by the way, when my son got home from school he exclaimed, "What did you do to your hair?" THAT should tell me everything!