Succeed in College Late in Life

She bounced into the room ten minutes late, red bra straps in view beside the somewhat wider straps of her tanktop, which didn't quite cover her belly, above a short black skirt. "Hi!" she chirped, "I'm...like...your teacher. Dr. So-and-So has...like a scheduling conflict, so I'll be...like...teaching this course for the semester."

I grabbed my "How to Succeed As A Non-Traditional Student" handbook, and scoured the table of contents as well as the index for any reference to how to conduct myself in the presence of a college professor who looked and acted like an immature version of my fourteen year-old granddaughter. The handbook, with its emphasis on study, study more, show up, show up on time, and complete assignments on time, turned out to be of no help at all. In fact, there wasn't a single thing in that book that would be of any assistance to an older (that's the non-traditional part) student who had learned the value of good work ethics, punctuality, etc. during forty years in the workplace. As my college career progressed, I investigated other books and sources of information on how to succeed as an older college student, and found them all lacking. And so, for the edification of those who follow, here's what I learned about how to make it work and get to the end without taking up drug or alcohol abuse.

1) Sometimes you just have to grin and bear it, and that requires not taking yourself or the experience too seriously. In the case mentioned above, I ended up dubbing the professor "Bopeep" (privately of course) and neither expected nor got too much out of the course. When she came back from Thanksgiving and announced that she had lost her grade book and would appreciate each of us letting her know what our grades were, I bit a hole in my tongue, suppressing the desire to burst into loud, uncontrolled laughter. In order to avoid future bloodletting I promised myself not to expect every three credits to really be a credit to anyone.

2) Be prepared to make a friend. Many, if not all, of your professors will be younger than you. Most will handle it well, some will be intimidated by your age and assume that they have to take steps to establish their position as the only authority figure in the room. You can spot the type easily because they bristle slightly each time you offer to contribute to a conversation or raise a question. Just don't raise every objection you have with this type. Remember, when the semester's over you can delete any foolishness they made you burn into your brain for the final. Best for me was to find an unobtrusive way to let them know that I "got it." They set the hoops, I jump through, and then everyone goes home-end of story. Your degree will read the same even if you still think Marx was right part of the time.

3) Make the syllabus your helper, but don't put too much faith in it. Each one will have some kind of disclaimer stating that it is subject to change at the professor's whim. Read the thing, do what you can to prepare for what is coming up, without committing too much time. As mentioned, it is subject to change and that can be a problem if you've already done the work. Don't finish any assignments too far in advance. Remember that the average college professor does not expect anyone to have written their paper or put together their presentation until the night before it is due. Last minute changes to the requirements for a term paper can really wreck your little train when you've had all twenty pages ready for a week.

4) Avoid groupwork at all costs. I always pre-registered for two more classes than I intended to take, then dropped any that required groupwork that included a group grade. I got caught twice while learning this. Both times I found myself in a group of "peers" whose laziness, failure to perform, and failure to contribute left me no choice but to do a disproportionate share of the work, or leave my GPA to the tender mercies of the group's non-performers. If no groupwork showed up in any given semester, I just dropped the two that were least friendly to my schedule.

5) Be prepared to be hated by at least some of your younger fellow students. Get ready for the fact that you will earn the animosity of a significant number of your fellow students for committing such grievous sins as having read the book, fulfilled the assignment on time, come to class prepared, etc. Just walk around the campus between classes looking disoriented. Eventually they will assume that your misdeeds are the result of dementia and be somewhat forgiving.

6) Finally, at all times remember that the term autodidact is recognized in academia, but the existence of such people is largely denied (except when extolling the virtues of some long dead author). In other words, "you don't know squat until they say you do."

Armed with the above, and some study etc., an older person can survive college with minimal damage to the psyche. Just remember also to set aside a year after graduation to allow for withdrawal and recovery.