Successful Sleepover with Twins

Personally, I hate sleepovers. Sadly, my kids LOVE them. I believe in happy kids so let's get to it. What makes a great sleepover with other kids, may not always work with same-sex twin siblings. So, how do you manage the tug of twins with a guest? Here are 5 awesome tips!

Establish a Sleep Arrangement

Establishing an arrangement for sleeping in advance allows everyone to be prepared for how the night will go down. Discuss with your twins what the sleeping arrangement will be and when the guest arrives revisit the plan verbally with the kids. This way, everyone is one the same page. A plan or predictability is HUGE to kids. If they are prepared, things will flow more fluidly. I highly encourage everyone in the same room. This is to avoid a struggle over where the added child/children will sleep and no one feels slighted or left out.

A back-up plan is critical. If no one (or just one) is not falling asleep, it can be uncomfortable for everyone involved. The last thing you want to do is send one twin into hysterics, or worse...the guest. So, have a back-up plan. Tell the kids the back-up plan so they are clear on your actions and know what to expect. Say out loud (as you tuck them in), "Now, if we can't get along, or if this doesn't work....here is what we are going to do." By letting the kids know the back-up plan, they will quiet sooner and also have an escape if they cannot fall asleep or feel uncomfortable.

Prepare a Game Plan and Escape Route

Have a light framework of how you expect things to go in your mind and share this outline with your kids. Statements like, "When your friend(s) arrive, we will blank...then, and we will blank." (Fill in the blanks) Having a craft idea, where you are in control, is a great side plan for when things like free play time go awry.

For example, you might suggest, "Why don't you go outside and make a fort in the woods - like we talked about." However, if the fort fails and someone comes in crying, be prepared to say, "You know what we should do...I found the best craft idea today. Let's call everyone in and do that together. Now, is a great time!"

This tactic removes everyone from an uncomfortable situation and allows the twins to reunite in a common purpose with the joint friend.

Meet with the Dominant Twin in Private

It never fails, with twins; someone will feel left out in a threesome. Be prepared to pull the twin who is more dominant, aside from the others. It is critical that no one is around and it isn't a twin vs. twin situation. In addition, the visitor should never be a part of this conversation. You should not lecture the group, or humiliate anyone, or make the visitor feel uncomfortable. Say to the dominant twin, "Listen, we will never have this friend over again if you can't figure out how to get along." Ask your twin what they could do differently to include everyone. Give the twin tactics to work with if they are too young to discern them. This is teaching and will ultimately lead to resolution.

Food or Cooking

Food is a great distraction when times are tense. Kids will always opt for a treat if it is presented. If you are sensing a struggle of power between twins, engage all of the kids in "snack time." A snack is a quiet, controlled event that may disrupt a negative flow. Even better, get all of the kid involved in the snack. Perhaps it is a simple bowl of popcorn. Say, "You are in charge of the salt. You are in charge of the bowls. And the guest of honor is in charge of pouring the popcorn!" Snacks can be an all hands on deck situation and equally distribute cooperation. Ensure the snack is consumed while you are present, so everyone is minding manners.

Be Sweet

At all costs, coddle the visitor. Whatever your children may suffer, the visitor is probably most sensitive being away from home and more comfortable surroundings. If you discipline, do it in private. If you correct, do it away from the eyes and ears of the visitor. Your goal as a parent, and host, is to make your home a warm, welcoming and above all SAFE house.

Your own kids are going to be comfortable no matter what...even if they are in trouble. YOUR kids are used to you and your tactics. Other children abide by different rules and though they may annoy you, or cohort with one twin over the other - it is up to us as adults to supervise and make everyone feel safe. As a host to someone else's child, parents should always act with kid gloves. We should never allow anything that makes a visitor question the warmth and love of our home.

When we invite other children into our home, it is a risk and responsibility we should assume with great honor. Establishing sleeping arrangements (with an all-­inclusive back-up plans), preparing game plans and escape routes, meeting with the dominant twin in private encouraging a snack distraction and invoking assistance, and above all, being sweet generally never fails. So, if you have twins and engage in sleep overs, remember it is a delicate balance, an awesome responsibility, and most of all a labor of love. (Yes, I said labor! May the force be with you!)