Suffering Domestic Violence Because of Fear and Selfishness

Removing domestic violence from your life for good is easier said than done. Being a survivor myself, I know how difficult it is to say the words domestic violence, let alone admit to being a victim.

Domestic violence is a conditioning which hollows you out. As this happens you begin to lose moral values and self-respect leaving you an unrecognizable image of your former self.

Victims of domestic violence never see it coming; it creeps into the deepest most secret places of the psyche like a parasite and feeds until there is nothing left but self loathing and hopelessness.

If you are thinking that money is the only reason you are not leaving you're wrong, fear is the only reason you are not leaving, well fear and selfishness. I know you are probably saying, "Janet, selfishness, what the heck, I'm the one being abused." I'll justify with my personal experience.

When I was living with domestic violence I hadn't noticed what was happening to me until it was too late. Asking for help while struggling with the embarrassment of being a victim seemed more difficult than hiding the bruises.

Bruises could be hidden but noise was more difficult, loud music would muffle the destruction of furniture but not all the time. When the police began to get involved I lied to them, making up excuses for the evident bruising so often I began to believe them myself.

Now I'm sure your saying, "Janet, if the police where there why didn't they just take him away?" If the police don't have fresh evidence of assault they can't do anything unless the person they are trying to help presses charges. I never pressed charges - I made excuses, which brings us back to selfishness.

Okay, so they take him away and he makes bail, how do I know I'm safe, who pays the bills, what about my children, where will I live, how will I eat, me, me, me, me, me, in truth it is selfish stinky fear that kept me living that horrible life, fear I needed to face once and for all.

There are many resources available to those involved in domestic violence. Don't let the worry about 'what will happen if I leave' get in the way when you should be thinking about what will happen if you don't.

Read my article "How to Break the Chains of Domestic Violence" for more of my personal story.

If you are suffering domestic violence because of fear and selfishness you're not alone call for help 1(800) 799-SAFE (7233) or visit www.ndvh.org.