Suffering a Stroke: Family Members Are Victims of Stroke Too

The victims of stroke are not the only ones who must deal with the devastating consequences of this condition; their families also do as well. Sometimes families have to deal with the shock of seeing a once capable individual suddenly deteriorate and need help for the simplest things. Other times they may blame themselves for not spotting the vague signs of stroke in the very short window of time that could have prevented further brain damage. Since many stroke victims need to be convinced to go to the hospital if they are still conscious, a family member may feel guilt over not being more convincing sooner. Many family members have to alter their own plans such as employment or education to compensate for the family need to care for the stroke victim. The families themselves are often overlooked when they have to take a stroke victim to rehabilitation and doctors appointments, plus care for all the duties of the household.

Relationships can be disrupted as family members may have to take on unfamiliar roles. Perhaps the stroke victim supported the family or cared for another relative, and this upsets the balance of the household when the rest of the family often have to pick up the victim's responsibilities and learn how to be a caretaker at the same time. A large part of how your family works and interacts with each other - whether as caretaker, breadwinner, cook, or emotional support, is altered quickly and replaced with tremendous responsibility.

Some issues that families must deal with include knowing how to handle the stroke victims employment, especially if they are self employed and it is unclear if the person will be able to return to work in that capacity. Should the family sell the business? Hire a new person to help out? How long do they hold on to the family business if it is losing money? Does the victims insurance issue from the business, and will it be affected if the business is sold or closed? Can you afford to keep the business and the home if the business is not generating money? It is not much easier to decide about a job either, perhaps they will rehabilitate to a reasonable degree, but what if it takes a few years? This sort of problem makes long term financial decisions very difficult, such as what is to be done about the children's' education if the school of choice may not be an option if adequate income may not exist, yet the child cannot necessarily plan on scholarships due to financial need if this cannot be determined what the need will be upon starting school.

Since many stroke victims may feel frustration and perhaps an altered personality, they may be very short tempered with those who care for them. While the victim themselves is reliant upon the family often for basic things such as being driven somewhere or caring for financial tasks or tasks that require coordination, it is hard to feel and act grateful for help doing something they likely feel they should be able to do themselves. This makes caring for a stroke victim very stressful, especially since the responsibility doesn't let up for the family members. This can severely affect the family by affecting their own health as they are often too busy to care for their own needs and they never get a day off. It is also difficult dealing with a stroke altered personality that you may not necessarily like. A formerly kind and patient person may have their higher cortical functions altered enough to just not act like the person you know, and often, the complete opposite - impulsive, emotional, harsh, and anxious.

However, the same stroke victim may be able to carry on short conversations with others in a pleasant manner, such as a phone call, a visit, or dealing with a stranger for a short period of time. Because of this, personality changes may not be recognized by non-family members who do not see the person as altered. Doctors may be greeted pleasantly and treated well by the stroke victim and therefore not take caretakers concerns seriously when they state that the stroke victim acts differently at home. Such isolation is often burdensome to caretakers who feel like the stroke victim has only changed their behavior towards them. Not recognizing that polite chit chat and manner towards others and coping with day to day needs and emotions are not the same, caretakers are left confused about the emotions they see and often feel little can be done to fix things.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO HELP STROKE VICTIMS AND THEIR FAMILIES

If you have a friend or family member who cares for a stroke victim, often they can use a day or afternoon off, even if just to take a nap. You may not be a professional caretaker, but when possible, try to provide something to alleviate some responsibility such as preparing a meal or offering to go to the store or drive them somewhere. Even coming over with a few favorite movies of the stroke victim or some favorite music to listen to will give the caretaker a bit of a break, often help cheer up the stroke victim and will not require you to make too much conversation with the stroke victim themselves if you do not know them very well or do not know what to say. While difficult to do in practice, try not to take any remarks the stroke victim makes to you too seriously if they seem altered.

It is also important for family members to try to take turns so that all the burdens do not fall on one person. While you may be taking more than your share, if you are not dealing with the care of the person each day like the main caretaker is, then you are not dealing with the same emotional burdens that the main caretaker does. Even having a another person in the house alleviates some of the burden so that the caretaker can concentrate on other duties without being overly concerned about the whereabouts of a stroke victim if some else just comes by to visit or read the paper on occasion.