Suggestions for Assisting Aging Parents

It has been said that "old age ain't for sissies!" The aging population today faces challenges that range from financial and emotional to physical and intellectual. As parents age, they may begin to require increased assistance from family and paid caregivers. Here are some basic tips for helping parents through their "golden years."

1. Downsizing/Decluttering: As people age, many of them become overwhelmed by the upkeep of their homes. Sometimes, they are able to get assistance from family living nearby or by contracting out the maintenance jobs. To avoid always having to rely on others, some people chose to reduce their maintenance responsibilities by moving to smaller homes, apartments or retirement communities. The stress of these moves can be greatly reduced through the help of children of aging parents. One key way to assist parents is by going through their items with them to determine which will be kept, which will be passed on to family or friends, which can be given to charity, and which simply will be thrown away. This activity can be stressful and time-consuming, but if planned out well enough, can also be a chance for some meaningful time together sharing memories and family history. An annual "decluttering" even years before any move can help make this task less overwhelming than an all-at-once venture right before a move. All too often, these moves come as the result of a sudden severe change in health on the part of a parent, and then their children are left to make time-consuming decisions on their own or while at the same time trying to help care for parents. For this reason, annual decluttering is still a good idea even for those not planning a move in their future.

2. Medication schedule: Modern medicine has increased the life expectancy of our population. One of the ways this has happened has been by managing health conditions with medication. As our parents age, the number and type of medications they take can change frequently and become overwhelming and confusing. A way to help parents with their medication is to keep a simple medication schedule which, for each medication they take, includes (a) the brand and generic name of the medication; (b) the purpose of the medication; (c) the time of day the medication is to be taken; (d) the quantity of the medication to be taken; and (e) when refills, if needed, should be ordered. (See example of medication schedule.) Both parents and their adult children would benefit by having a copy of this schedule. Bringing the schedule to medical appointments can also be extremely helpful to the medical professionals, as so often there is more than one doctor prescribing medication for an individual as he or she ages.

3. Medical appointment schedule with insurance information and doctors' names and numbers: Again, remembering insurance information, doctors' names and numbers (especially when parents visit specialists in addition to their primary care physicians) can become overwhelming. Both when scheduling routine appointments and urgent care appointments, having this information at one's fingertips helps avoid unneeded stress. So, when you put together that medication schedule for your parent(s), a nice accompaniment would be this upcoming appointment schedule. Keep a copy for yourself. (See example of medical appointment schedule.)

4. Medical journal: When a parent has a serious illness or condition requiring hospitalization or assistance in the home, keeping a medical journal is an excellent tool for communication and record-keeping. Family and caregivers can make dated entries which include the parent's condition, progress or decline, diet, and medication. This is especially helpful when multiple people are involved in the care of the parent but do not always have time to update one another on their observations, concerns, etc. Quick emails to groups of family members and other caregivers can also be extremely valuable in this regard. Accurate record-keeping is a vital tool in avoiding confusion and miscommunication that can otherwise take place when adult children are trying to help care for their parents in addition to carrying on their responsibilities with their own families and job.

5. Allocation of duties: If you have siblings to help with the care of your aging parents, splitting up tasks is an excellent way to reduce the stress of feeling as if you have to "do it all" for your parents. For example, one person can be in charge of helping with financial matters, another with coordinating all medical information, and so on. This way, each person can use his or her areas of expertise or interests to help parents and not feel overburdened.

6. Support: Lean on each other and friends. Making the transition from receiving assistance from parents to giving assistance to parents can be unsettling and overwhelming at times, especially when you have other responsibilities and commitments as well. Don't forget to take care of yourself. If you let yourself get run down and overwhelmed, you may become frustrated with your parents for something that they cannot control-the aging process. Try to keep solidarity with relatives and others sharing in the care of your parent. A sense of humor and a positive outlook go a long way in helping yourself and your parents maintain dignity through their "golden years."