Suggestions for Women Preparing for a Divorce

Have you had it with your marraige? Are you planning to leave? Don't let your decision make you do anything rash. The last thing you want to do is go into battle unprepared. The first thing you want to do is keep your mouth shut. You may be steaming mad. You may be hurt. You may just have had it up to here. Maybe you found you were sharing your spouse with some bim. Whatever the mood, whatever the reason there is no reason to storm around, leave, blast your feelings all over the place or in any way let on that you're about to do anything at all.

Now, I am not a lawyer, I'm just speaking from experience with the hope that some of this can help.

1. Finding a good lawyer is absolutely of the utmost importance. You want to walk out with more than your dignity. You want your creature comforts and a well financed future. Interview lawyers, some can be very women's lib oriented and will tell you that you need to go back to work or that you have 5 years of rehabilitation to get yourself ready for the work force. Depending on your age and length of marraige this won't be true in many cases. You may be entitled to lifetime alimony. You may be entitled to a substantial upfront settlement rather than be tied to your ex spouse to be. You have to talk to lawyers with different perspectives to get a feel for your options..

2. Do not rush anything. There is no hurry. Whatever the circumstances unless he's an abuser you need not fly off the handle and pack his bags. You need time to go through all important papers. You need to find out where all monies are and what investments there are. Find out all you can about his income, the banking, his spending habits. Copy any important papers so nothing is missing from his files. Make sure you know who your accountants are.

3. Document everything. Make copies of check ledgers, tax records, expenses household and otherwise. Get an appraisal of your home or homes.

5. Make a budget. Write down everything, and I do mean everything, from nail polish to winter coats, ski trips to spa days, costs for hair, teeth, gifts, magazines, books, parties, car maintenance, cell phone, computer, cable, all insurance, medical costs, dental costs, cleaning ladies, veterinary bills, Starbuck's drinks, lunch with the gals, tennis lessons, you get the idea. Everything. This expands to your children as well. Jot down possible private school costs, tutors, future college education,prom needs, gong to the movies, roller rink or bowling, future car if they aren't driving yet, dance, tennis, tap, piano lessions, their brithday and Christmas needs,their Ipods, DVD rentals, cell phone, the cost of sending them on a vacation and what it costs to feed them. Kids are costly little buggers. Keep in mind at 18 they are considered emancipated. The Dad will not beheld responsible for them in most cases. It's better to get all this down on paper in a divorce decree rather than be heading back to court (costly).

6. Ask about pendente lite for children as well as for yourself. This a set amount of money to pay for running everything while you are separating.

7. Don't let lawyers frighten you. The length of time you've been married bears a lot of weight as does the style you've been accustomed to, your age, whether or not you have children and their age. Whether you are earning an income and whether you've helped your husband establish his career or get his education should all factor into the equation.

8. Keep in mind when talking to a lawyer every call, every email (unless they are one sentence) , everything costs. In some cases you can get a lawyer to work with you on a contingency basis or perhaps he will be able to get hubby to pay for the costs. It depends on how financially sound your your ex to be is.

9. Now would also be a good time to stock pile everything, soap, make up, underwear, anything and everything you can buy in fairly good quantities that you will eventually need. It's also a good time to buy some big ticket items and return them for credit you can use in the future.

10. Open up a bank account in your name or with a pal you can trust and stash money. You can also just stash money anywhere you feel is safe, with your Mom, a best friend, whoever. Stash, stash, stash. Don't keep your stash in the house.

11. Take out a small loan and pay it back right away to establish credit. Open a few credit cards in your name. Make sure your name is on the house, car, bank accounts that are already established. Don't bother empyting any acccounts. That's a red flag and you will probably have to put the money back in the kitty. In general it's always good to have some credit in your own name, splitting or not.

12. If there is more than one home a good bargaining play is to make sure you seem to want whichever house your ex to be really, really wants.

13. If you haven't any access to your husband's office files or business records there are special forensic accountants who will examine these. That can be a good bargaining point if they don't want anyone poking around their business.

Of course, if you're having an amicable break up most of this won't be necessary but some of it can certainly be a good protective shield just in case the friendly atmosphere disappears.