Suicide Note

I wrote the last four words
my hand shaking,
my lips trembling,
I wrote the last four words
and put a period at the end

I felt it was the end

As I stared at the dull brown paper
I felt my face staring back at me
The rejected gaze, the ugliness,
and it hurt me miserably

And I ripped out the page
and I tore up that poem I wrote
because if it wasn't in pieces
I knew it would be my suicide note

And stumbling, bawling,
almost crawling,
I floated to the trashcan
and threw it away;

the words I wrote hurdling
and swirling like a tornado
The beautifully bittersweet words
it had hurt so much to say

And I felt liberated
but confused

My heart fluttering,
I searched frantically
and met his eyes:
so dark and smooth

They seemed aware but unaware
of the brush I felt with death

Because
I have the power to murder me,
my eyes met his and stayed-

unwilling and afraid to move