Suing Your Adult Children Over Money: Is it Ever a Good Idea?

I watch a lot of court shows on television and it always amazes me when I see parents suing their adult children over money. Sometimes it is a very petty amount, and the parent states that they are doing it to "teach them a lesson." What kind of a lesson does it teach them?

Children Look to Parents for Help not More Problems

We as parents have been helping our children financially and emotionally all of their lives. They are used to depending on us for their needs from the day they are born. We try our best to raise them to be responsible adults. I have never understood the theory that once a child turns 18 years old, they now owe a parent for whatever is done for them.

A child turning 18 years old does not automatically severe the bond of the child knowing that Mom and Dad are always there for them. In fact, if the child has lived in the parents home and is suddenly thrust out into the world, it can be quite overwhelming. Even if they have decided they are ready to survive on their own, they may not fully understand how hard it can be.

They may even feel like they have no one to turn to, if a parent takes the "you are on your own" stand. Parenting does not stop at a certain age, even though the adult child wishes to stand on their own. There may come a time when that adult child will have to turn to you for financial help. What if you have given them money, they promised to pay it back and then don't? First, what are the reasons? Are they financially unable too?

If they are spending money foolishly instead of paying you back, sit them down for a talk about how you feel about it. Tell them you understand if they are still having financial difficulties, but you feel they could be attending to money matters a little wiser. They may not appreciate it at first, but remind them that a parent will be kinder about it than the loan officer or the credit bureaus.

Should You Sue Your Adult Child Over Money?

You will have to make that decision, but be sure to take a good look at the consequences before you decide. Is the money as important as alienating your child? Is the money important enough to add more stress to a child that may already be stressed over the situation?

Maybe your adult child feels really bad because they cannot pay you back. They probably feel like you are disappointed in them for not holding up their end of the bargain when you lent them the money. It doesn't matter how old a child is, they will always want their parents to be proud of them.

If you sue one adult child over money, you may have another child that ends up in a desperate financial situation, yet they will be afraid to come to you for help. A child, even an adult child, should never be afraid to turn to a parent for help, whether it is financial or emotional help they are seeking.

I am not saying that it is alright to continue to hand your adult children money if they are making bad choices in their money management. I am saying, however, that you are still the parent, no matter how old the child is and you should try to help solve the situation in a way that helps the entire family.

The first step is having an open honest conversation with your adult child. Let them know you are always there to help if they really need you to, but you want them to help their self too. Offer to help them set up a budget, or even suggest that they move back home until they get back on their feet financial.

Explore every option you can before you ever consider taking your adult child to court over money. Is it worth it? You may be teaching them that they have no one to count on when their life is in a mess.