Summer Love Stories - When It Happened to Me

Somewhere, a heart cried. It was the Summer before I left for Italy and I had reached a point in life where I was convinced that I would never find love.
My boyfriend then was a child that demanded my attention at all times, and arguments arose from his irrational claims. He was cheating on me, and I knew it. But he loved me, and that was his weakness. My entire life has revolved around control, and emotion - in my eyes- is the loss of control. My pride forbade emotion, and I constantly told myself never to let a man have control over me, never lose your upper hand - never give in to weakness. My mother - an alpha female, was cast into the shadow of my successful father, and seeing her suffer as a consequence was too much for me to bear.
So to avoid drowning, you must be quick to swim to the surface...
I never hesitated when it came to moving on; no one seemed to amuse me for long enough, and at the first sign of boredom, I left the men hanging. Life is too short to waste on being bored, and I was quick to pick out flaws in men and stretched them out until I was blinded with disgust, feeling shame even to be seen with them in public. Hearts were broken this way, and deep down I was scared that Karma would punish me with a loveless life. But how could I help it? How can I give what was broken from the start? A heart scarred from a love long ago...

The bloody book of broken hearts
is writ by those who played the parts
of courageous fools who rose above
and fell to bits in the name of Love.

The Feeling feeds on other senses,
grows, expands, tearing down the fences
that kept wolves out and kept blood in
and firmly holds the heart within.

A sudden loss of this emotion
will cast your heart into its ocean
and leave a bloody hole
tearing through your soul.

But this my friend, is not the end,
because broken hearts can mend.
But until then,
between bleeding pages you shall find;
a part that's writ with blood of mine.

Yet don't we all yearn for love...long for "the one", someone to trust enough to give oneself to entirely.

I laughed at the thought of "the one", and mocked the love birds. The ultimate disbeliever - was me.

It was a Wednesday night, and I had just finished a few drinks with a girlfriend of mine and a man she knew. The man was perhaps twenty years older than us, but he was a kind person and we had fun chatting. The night progressed and we ended up going to the club where my boyfriend was with his friends. He was drunk and forbade me to talk with the man, said that he was too old and how would I feel if I saw him talking to an older woman. I thought it was a ridiculous argument and simply ignored him. Later on he said if we didn't go home together, he would break up with me. Anyone who makes a statement like that is obviously asking for it - I was having a good night and there is no way a man could talk to me like that - so I told him 'Go ahead, I don't need this.'
He left and I went back downstairs and downed a few shots, proceeding to the dance floor - which at this hour was rather empty - and started dancing with the first man I saw.

...And that's how I met the love of my life.

My initial intention was just to use him as some form of entertainment, there were only two months before I left the country and there was no reason to get serious. He was a white South African, I was an Asian Swede. Two polar ends united in an unlikely place -- Beijing, China. In a club we both rarely went to as well. What were the odds? Although in the beginning, I never drew those connections, never thought to involve fate into this random meeting.

But he was laid back, and we never had any arguments. We did spontaneous things together, went to places based on impulse. He liked all sorts of music, he liked dancing. He was the only man I've ever been able to enjoy a whole night with - just him and I. Going to bars, going to clubs... When we danced, I saw no one else. Knowing that he was far from perfect - in my eyes he had no flaws... He was a friend, a brother, and a lover.
In the progress of two months, I had been stripped down, I was naked in his arms, my heart pumping in his hand.

Lies is what I called them, true love isn't real
but what they sing of in the love songs, is exactly what I feel

please tell me that there are no tricks
and don't you dare leave me like this
let me close my eyes and disappear in your kiss
float for a moment and vanish in bliss

Lies is what they said to me, true love isn't real
but the descriptions in the novels, is just the way I feel

don't tell me you're another thief
please say there will be no grief
let me sink for a while and fall some more
I've never landed this soft before

I thought of all the lies and felt my blood quiver
The thought of loss made my marrow tremble and shiver

Throughout my life, what I always wanted to do
was to find what's real and find what's true
I was alone in the spotlight
and then there was you

When I left for Italy, he left for England. It was a pleasant surprise, and we could travel to each other once every month and spend a few days in bliss...

But here I must leave you. Let you guess. All I can say is that I, I was the ultimate anti-love, the one disbeliever. Something made us meet, something wanted me to know, so I could spread the word....love is all you need.