Sunday Reflections- 3 Part Harmony

Just two days before Sunday November 07, 2010, I was a mess, full of anxiety and depression, I wrote about my feelings in poetry. The feelings ebbed and flowed but the undercurrent was strong moving me away from the here and now, moving me from peace and balance, distancing me from my Creator. I did the only thing I could do; pray about it.

The Mysterious Blues

The mysterious blues
Are not what we choose,
When we wake up and
Find,
That life seems unkind.
Nothing has changed
From the evening before
Or the day past when,
We got up to roar,
"Seize the day"

Now we pray, this awful
Feeling will just go away.
All is right with the world
Yet we regret having gotten out of bed

Mysterious Blues
We all pay those dues
Not Knowing why
We feel we should try
What's missing that was there the day before?
What's present that makes us shake in fear?
It just is not clear.
We will hold on for dear life,
To our husband or wife, our pillow or cat.

We'll make it through,
the mysterious blue to a
Brighter day;
Even if gray should surround us.

Written: November 05, 2010

November 06, 2010, I prayed and prayed. I was full of anxiety hoping my money would make it to the bank before the NSF's did. I couldn't think to write or do much at all. The last few days riddled with anxiety because of my finances had wrenched my mind and body to a halt. I see that finance, primarily the problem, is the cause for my unexplained anxiety. I shake with fear. Fear is at the root of all anxiety. "Fear not" it is so much easier said than done. I am still not sure if all is well but I think perhaps that it is. Naturally, all would and will be well even if it does not work out with my bank account. I will be humiliated, frustrated and perhaps financially devastated for a month or two trying to play catch up. In the end, though, my kingdom is not here but in Heaven. I sent my best friend a note. "I'm strapped for cash, my budget for lunch is 4.00 perhaps we could go to Popeye's Chicken- we both like that.

I know she would rather eat at the restaurant she had picked- where we would likely spend just $8.00 after splitting a lunch. How can $4.00 little dollars make such a tremendous difference in the quality of my life in the here and now. "She wrote back that we could have lunch at her house or perhaps Jr. Burrito" A favorite shack in Redondo for good food on the cheap. (Less anxiety still) Part II