Sunday Reflections- for the Abused

Preface: This is not a sermon, I am not a Pastor, I am just a Christian praying that the Holy Spirit guides my thoughts and reflections- each moment and especially when I write of His Loving Kindness and His Word.

"Honor your Mother and Father" It is a commandment and yet as the bible shows grace in all situations, there are loop holes. 'We don't always get what we want, but if we try sometimes, we just might find- we get what we need.' -Rolling Stones

"If your brother sins against you, ^(B) go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have^(C) gained your brother. ¹⁶But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established ^(D) by the evidence of two or three witnesses. ¹⁷If he refuses to listen to them, ^(E) tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, ^(F) let him be to you as ^(G) a Gentile and a tax collector.-KJV

I've seen people stuck in tortured relationships with family members for decades. It's sad. Perhaps, they have been taught to turn the other cheek. Yes, turning the other cheek is a good thing. Overlooking a slight or even a huge debacle is a good thing. But putting up with abuse, because we are bound by blood, is not what our Father had in mind, we are after all His creation, our body His Temple. There is much to say about it from a psychological point of view. But the bible provides answers to these heartbreaking problems.

Some parents and family members, even friends, become Gentiles and tax collectors to us, for they will not listen, nor will they change. It is not for us to judge and yet if we do as the bible instructs us to do, we do not have to be trapped in unhealthy relationships with our flesh and blood, just because they are our flesh and blood.

We should be long suffering true. But if we have done everything we can, there is a point at which it is 'okay' to let go and let God. Let God judge the situation, the person, the hurt, the wrong. Our job is to "forgive our trespassers as he forgives our trespasses." So, we start with a decision to forgive, though we still may be filled with hurt, anger and bewilderment and when those feelings come, we ask the Lord, let me yet forgive as you have forgiven me. This process may happen in a flash or take a life time, but forgiving is not just for the trespasser, for the abuser, it is for you.

We are God's creation and God does not want us to carry our burdens alone but lay them at the Cross of Jesus. He does not want his creation to be abused, so He willingly invites us to leave it in order to care for ourselves, as we are created in His image.

This message is very important for children, or even adult children and the elderly that have been abused by a relative. It provides God's grace in letting go of toxic relationships, without sin, without dishonoring our Father's wishes. For He has told us it is fine to do this.

There is nothing wonderful about these types of situations. They usually leave us feeling sad and sometimes disillusioned for years. But the sooner we listen to God's Grace the sooner we can move forward to accept what he has chosen for us- peace in our hearts. Pray always for those that have dishonored you, pray for your enemies, and judge not but understand his words of grace and find peace in letting go. Pray for your ability to forgive, while yet being removed from your abuser.

Epilogue- Many a relationship, even abusive relationships, have been healed; though some can not be healed. But your pain and suffering over the situation can be lessened with the Love of Our Maker. It may take years, but someday the abuser may admit, and change. Pray for that as well. Here are two stories of Hope-

Reframing Troubled Children's Lives- an Interview with Dr. Lorry Leigh, CEO of Western Youth Services Orange County, Calif.

Father's Day Poem- Long Lost Father

Resources for the abused

The National Domestic Violence Hotline

National Center on Elder Abuse

Prevention and Treatment of Child AbuseChild Welfare Information Gateway