Sunflower Seeds

One day a boy named Jimmy was walking down the street eating sunflower seeds. He was spitting them on the sidewalk. When he was about to spit one out, the wind picked up and blew it back at the person walking behind him. The person who was hit with the saliva covered seed became angry. He ran up to yell at Jimmy, but tripped and hurt his ankle. He decided to go the hospital to see if it was broken.

While he was getting an X-ray done, he told a black joke, not knowing that a black doctor had just entered the room. The doctor left the room angrily, and accidentally got his foot entangled on a sheet covering a grotesquely mangled, scary looking corpse. The stretcher the corpse was on came to a sudden stop and the doctor pushing it tripped over the black doctor, and the corpse fell from the stretcher. A little girl that was with her mom dropped her juice in horror and started to scream. The mom dragged her daughter away from the scene.

Before the janitor could clean the mess, a woman slipped on the juice and hurt her back. A man ran over to help her, and when she got up she realized that they went to high school together. They started to go out for a while, and eventually they got married and had four children. They were together for twenty years. One day the husband came home early only to discover that his wife was having an affair with the midget who paints their house. The husband went crazy, grabbed his gun, and shot the midget in the head. The wife ran out of the room. He tried to grab her, but he fell down the stairs and broke his neck. The women stole his credit cards and left the house, never to be seen again.

When the children arrived home from school, they found their father twitching at the bottom of the steps. After the ambulance arrived, the children were taken away by social services. The man spent the rest of his life in a wheel chair having to eat mashed up carrots and peas through a straw. A screen writer seen this story on the news and decided to write a movie about the whole incident.

After a multi-million dollar shoot, the film finally came out. It was called "The midget that destroyed my family". The movie was the top in the box office during the first week. It won many awards. Garry Coleman's career sky rocketed after playing the part of the home wrecking midget. All was well until the family of the midget protested the movie. They did not want their whole family to be disgraced by showing how their family member died. During a protest, one of the midgets ran out to the street. An unsuspecting car ran the midget down because he could not see him. The driver was sentenced to ten years in prison for vehicular manslaughter.

Not wanting to be shanked, the driver immediately became somebody's girlfriend to be protected from violent gang members. While in prison, the driver went insane from all of the gang violence and hurled a flaming roll of toilet paper through his cell, which caused a riot. Flames from one of the toilet fires spread throughout the prison, and eventually out of the prison. A near by chemical plant caught fire and exploded. The fire from the explosion spread to a river filled with chemicals from the plant. The whole river caught fire. The fire spread down the river and onto a field. The field fire then spread to a few buildings. Pretty soon the whole city was up. As the raging flames spread throughout the city, there was massive panic. Looting, murder, drive-bys, all throughout the city was chaotic. Pretty soon the raging fire engulfed the entire east coast. Other countries took this as the perfect time to attack and conquer America.

With the massive fire and all of the other countries attacking America, no where was safe. Pretty soon another world war broke out and nuclear weapons were being used left and right. The world was practically done for except for a few radioactive survivors. The ones who were left worked to build a Utopia, but failed miserably. After the human race died out completely over the next decade or so, Earth was completely empty, except for one species. The cockroach could survive a nuclear holocaust.

After billions and billions of years of evolution, the cockroaches became smarter than the human race ever was. They built space shuttles far superior to what the humans ever came close to. They eventually went to the moon, Mars, Uranus, Pluto, and even a planet they discovered that was farther away than Pluto, called E-X41. They eventually found and conquered other civilizations. After conquering many other planets, and billions of alien lives were lost, the roaches became the strongest species in the universe. The cockroaches ruled for trillions of years until the universe eventually imploded on itself and they all ceased to exist.

So ask yourself, are seeds really worth trillions of lives, and the destruction of existence as we know it? Of course they are. Seeds are awesome.