Sunlight

She still couldn't shake the previous nights dream. It hung over her entire being like a dark cloud of burning oil, spreading over her skin but not penetrating. Lying there wrapped in that ultimate state just between sleep and the waking world she slowly willed herself to put it behind her and face the sunshine that streamed in through the navy drapes framing her bedroom window. She lifted herself up on her elbows and squinted as a stark ray of morning gold caught her in the eye. Looking away, she buried her head into her pillow. The moan that escaped her lips was for forgetting to pull the shade behind the drapes the night before.

It was a struggle to the gleaming white shower but once there the cool water brought her instantly and widely awake. Cascades of purified liquid fell across her as she swiftly and reverently cleaned every part of her pale body. She never took a warm shower in the morning. Warm showers were for evenings, for calm and that hour before sleep. Cool showers brought the body and the mind awake. Cool showers reminded her she was alive.

Without looking she grabbed the plush gray towel from where it had always hung on the stark white wall and roughly drew it across her taut body. She wrapped herself tightly and moved to stand before the sleek white pedestal sink and gold framed mirror. Her short russet hair was easy, a simple shake, a run of fingers over her scalp and it was done, already drying. Toothbrush, floss, and mouthwash in that order, her eyes never leaving her own as she reached for each individual item and replaced them in the exact same spot.

Dressing for the day demanded the same precise movements, each item in the same place it always was, sweater, skirt, then heels. Making the bed took little effort as it had been done thousands of times before. She gazed at the bed, the dresser, and the window. She thought about pulling the shade before leaving for the kitchen.

Breakfast was unchanged, granola and berries in a small blue bowl at the cold slate table. She sat with her back straight and stared at the cereal box at the head of the table. The early morning sun had reached the front of the house, threatening to pour it's warmth in the side door but she ignored it. Stirring the last few bites in her bowl she realized she didn't like granola nor did she care for the healthy man and woman on the front of the box.

In the living room she picked up the remote from the back of the overstuffed gray couch and didn't bother to sit down. The sun had reached this room and was flickering on each surface, dancing from one piece of furniture to another. The Morning News Show was on Channel 2. Three news anchors sat in a semi-circle with their graphic sunshine situated behind them and smiling faces filling the screen. "It will be a warm one today and watch for traffic on the 52," she says along with the man in the tweed sports coat. It bores her so she turns it off and watches the large screen go black.

The car sits in the garage, waiting for her to slide inside. She acquiesces to her unwanted necessity and adjusts the seat that has never held anyone but her. The seats are firm and contour close to her body, the headrest perfectly angled to just brush the back of her hair. She reaches for the radio but drops her hand before contact with the large black button and instead goes for another button above her head. The rearview mirror gives her an unobstructed view of the garage door slowly rising and the overwhelming stark brilliance of the sunlight rushing in, bathing the back of her head in its light. Without turning she puts the car in reverse and lets off the brake. The car begins its slow descent to the street below.

For the first time she turns her head as the rear tires cross the boundary between her and what is to come. Watching the other car coming at her much too fast, she closes her eyes. Everything goes black. She floats in that dreamless oblivion, relishing the emptiness and the lack of illumination; until she feels her body begin to awaken. Her arms and legs yearn for that first stretch under her sheets but she stops before giving in and looks into the darkness. Warmth floods through her body as if she is bathed in the sun and her eyes pop open in the morning light streaming under the open shade of her bedroom window. This time, she screamed.