Superdickery.com: Superman is a Dick!

We are constantly bombarded by information, from radio commercials urging us to buy radio airtime to completely useless news feeds that run across the bottom of television sets not only on CNN but on your local news and E! Entertainment Network, so that not a single moment passes while you watch identically peroxided bimbos faun over their octogenarian decaying mutual boyfriend on Girls Next Door without being kept up to date on which celebrity just got arrested for speeding and/or crack addiction. Well, kids, it's time to stuff more useless information down your gullet; open wide and I promise it'll be fun. Submitted for your approval: SuperDickery.com.

Superdickery.com arose out of an early internet debate wherein someone made the statement "Superman is a Dick!" Growing out of this simple, but remarkably apt, declaration, Superdickery.com was born. Pulling from the large pool of images of comic book covers featuring Superman available on the internet, the site's webmaster weekly posts contributions from the site's readers and his own discoveries of evidence of Superman behaving badly. But, upon closer inspection, not only is Superman a horrible, horrible person (as he stands in the desert holding a pitcher of water over the heads of the dying Jimmy Olsen and Aquaman, laughing uproariously as they beg him to quench their thirsts), but Lois is an idiot (and an accident prone one at that, as she finds herself again and again unconscious and in the hands of various unsavory characters after her plan to trick Superman into marrying her is foiled), and a host of other characters are far from role models.

Superman - Right click to see fullsize imageExpanding outward from "Superman is a dick!" the site also boasts an array of other unfortunate juxtapositions, outdated language, and subliminal perversion organized by category. "Seduction of the Innocent," for instance, takes its name from the title of a 1954 book written by Dr. Fredric Wertham, who placed comic books as the easy scapegoat for the degradation of the human psyche and the strong upswing of juvenile delinquency, redirecting blame from the paranoia of the Cold War, McCarthyism, and the stultifying repression of humanity and art at the time, but I digress. In this section, you will find such strange sights as Batman, Robin, and Superman straddling the huge barrels of anti-aircraft weapons of a United States battleship in a composition that can only be described as disturbingly sexual.

Other select indexes from the site include a variety of humorous accidents. More than Superman testing his cousin Supergirl's powers by whacking her with a mallet the size of my apartment, Lois stepping into a glass tube a reed thin, average looking white girl and emerging a voluptuous African American woman {the title of that particular issue is "I am Curious (Black)" [sic]}, and Pa Kent bruising his hand trying to give Superboy a well deserved thrashing, "Stupor Powers" captures villains with inane talents, as well as Jimmy Olsen's never-ending series of accidental heroics. From Kite Man, whose main mode of transportation was to attach himself to a large kite and fly around Metropolis doing... not much damage at all, to Rainbow Man, who kept Gotham police at bay by firing strands of multicolored light (from his crotch, no less) this section does not fail to elicit laughter.

"Frames and Pages" expands the site to include not only cover images, but interior artwork as well. It also contains the most uses of the word "boner" (in reference to a mistake made by Batman) than I have seen in any other media outside of old Growing Pains episodes. Go to the page in question by clicking the link: http://www.superdickery.com/seduction/3.html. Act out the dialogue. I dare you not to laugh.

Did you know that the man who created the character of Wonder Woman was also the inventor of the polygraph test (a.k.a. the lie detector)? Just throwing that out there. He led a fairly unconventional life, dwelling in a house with his both his wife and his mistress and all the children born out from this arrangement. An early male feminist with a strange subconscious, he created Wonder Woman to have all the strength of Superman plus all the grace of a woman (her appearance is based on the mistress, a former student of his, who continued to live with his widow until her own death in the 1980s), but specifically designed the character so that, if her magic bracelets came into contact and she was bound in that manner, her strength would be lost, resulting in a lot of early art of Wonder Woman in bondage. If this is your thing, pervert, or you think you might find it funny, clown, check out the "Suffering Sappho" section of Superdickery.com.

In a strange way, Superdickery.com stands as a sort of pop art museum. Where else can you find Jimmy Olsen with a grown out beard leading an army of unwashed flower children in hurling vegetables at the Man of Steel (Superman, not Stalin), all under the title "The Great Hippie Freak Out?" Or Batman kicking a chair into a man's throat while swinging another gangster's dismembered head? Nowhere.