Support a RAD Mom

Unless you have personally raised a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder or you are an experienced RAD therapist, you likely have no idea what these mom's deal with on a daily basis. Reactive Attachment Disorder causes children to have serious problems forming emotional attachments to others, especially a mother. It is most common in adopted children who have experienced abuse, neglect, multiple foster home placements and more. However, it can also be found in birth children who have not been properly cared for or who had medical problems as an infant. Whatever the cause, the result is the same: angry, manipulative, scared children.

Imagine the level of stress in a RAD house. If a child is constantly scared and angry, what does that do to the parents who are trying to help them heal? How would you feel if every kind, caring thing you did was met with hatred, disobedience and anger? What if everything - cleaning a room, doing homework, eating breakfast - was a fight? What if you couldn't even hug your child without him trying to get away? These are the realities of a RAD mom, and unfortunately very few people understand this disorder. Therefore, these moms often feel alone in their fight to help heal their child. They spend almost every second trying to improve their family life, and it is exhausting. Many moms find themselves depressed, scared and angry. Unfortunately, this does not help them parent their RAD child effectively. Below you will find some tips to help these Mom's find the peace and relaxation that they so desperately need.

Make a call, and listen. Call once a week to see how things are going. Give her the time to vent about everything in her life, without judging. Remember, parenting a RAD child is completely opposite of parenting another child, so do not give advice. However, the more you talk the more familiar you will become with the disorder. In that case, feel free to make suggestions if you think they might help.

Grab a coffee. Invite her out for a drink at Starbucks. She will thank you for the relief! Take a couple hours one weekend to have drink and some girl talk. The break will allow her an escape from her daily reality. If she says she can't go, bring the coffee to her!

Plan a kid's day. Offer to take her child out for a few hours one day. He/she will definitely behave well for you, and it will give mom the opportunity to catch up on cleaning, reading, sleeping or her favorite TV show.

Bring dinner. Call mom and let her know that you will be taking care of the meal tonight. Whip up lasagna or grab carryout - whatever fits in your budget and free time. Mom will have extra time to work with her RAD child.

Send a note. Make it a habit to drop a note in the mail every couple weeks. Nothing fancy - just an "I love you, and think you're great." or "You're doing an amazing job - stay strong." The words of encouragement will give her the boost she needs to finish out the day.

Date night! Offer your babysitting services while Mom and her hubby go on a date. They need their time together to get away from all of the stresses in their home. Any opportunity to spend time as a couple will be greatly appreciated. And if you aren't one for babysitting, offer to pay a sitter.

Walk away the stress. Suggest becoming walking buddies. You can choose a couple days a week to take an hour walk together. It will keep you both healthy and less stressed and it will give you time to catch up on all the latest in each other's busy lives.

Give her a little reminder. Sometimes RAD moms forget the reasons why they became a RAD mom. If it was through adoption remind her how thrilled she was to finally have that child in her arms. If it was through marriage, remind her about the love for her husband. Whatever the reason, help her see her good intentions, and remind her that she is doing her very best every day.

Whatever you choose to do, if anything, make sure that you are doing it with love, appreciation and support. RAD moms would give anything to have a happy and healthy family. They give everything they have to give every single day. They are some of the strongest women you will ever meet. But sometimes even the very strongest need to be cared for, too.