Support for Those Living with a Fibromyalgia Sufferer

I had been dating Mark about four months when I learned that he had fibromyalgia. Before meeting him, I had never even heard of this condition. He explained the symptoms as best as he could; the foggy thinking, the fatigue, the pain. He had been co-diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome and chronic fatigue. I did all the research I could, as anyone would do. Within a few weeks, I felt confident that our relationship would not be negatively affected by his condition, and our lives went on.

There was a lot that I hadn't taken into consideration, and a lot that I know now. Mark and I are married now, with a daughter. Fibromyalgia is a part of our daily lives, in both small and overwhelming ways.

There is very little support for sufferers of fibromyalgia. The medical community has only just recently accepted its existence as an actual medical condition. A large percentage of the population still does not know it exists. There is no cure, and no definite treatment, only stuff that can relieve some of the symptoms for most of the sufferers. There are support groups where people with fibromyalgia can meet to discuss symptoms and treatments, and there are websites dedicated to the disease, but no one case is exactly like the other.

There is even less support for those who share their lives with a man or woman who has fibromyalgia. Living with a fibromyalgia sufferer is its own level of chronic pain. You see the person you love dealing with daily difficulties, and there is nothing you can do to make the pain go away. You can try your best to be supportive and understanding, but there is not much else you can do. It is hard to make definite plans ahead of time, because you never know when a bad spell will hit. The stomach bug that lasted a day with you might last three or four days with your mate. A bad migraine might cancel plans all weekend. The foul mood that goes hand-in-hand with not feeling well might turn into a dark cloud hanging over your relationship. It is easy to become resentful. This was not how you imagined your life before meeting your partner. You are suffering too.

Unfortunately, it is hard to find the support you need. You would be welcome at support groups for people with fibromyalgia, but it's hard to really understand what either side is going through. If your loved one was diagnosed after you had been together for a while, it can be even harder. The person you used to know is gone, replaced by someone you can't always connect with.

So where can you find the support you so desperately need? There are a few options available to you. The first is seeking out an online support group, or a forum that has a section for the parents, spouses, and friends of fibro sufferers. They have a good forum for this at FibroHugs.com. If your loved one attends a local support group, you might be able to talk to the leader of the group about forming a support group for the partners of fibro sufferers.

Friends and family may also provide some support, even if it is hard for them to understand exactly what the day-to-day life is like. They may at least offer a place to vent on the rough days. Just watch out for those who feel that having fibromyalgia is no excuse for not living a normal life. They will be of no help to you.

Writing in a journal, or starting a blog, may also help you come to terms with how your life is being affected by your loved one's condition. Getting your feelings on paper, or typed into a webpage, can help you become more objective. Writing without an audience lets you release all of the frustration, resentment, and anger you may be feeling but aren't comfortable talking to your partner about. Eventually, though, I would encourage trying to create an open communication line between you and your partner. This is hard when dealing with something that so greatly affects both of your lives, but in different ways. Mark and I still struggle with this some days. It helps, though. A lot of misunderstandings come up when neither of you knows how hard the other is trying. Your partner can be your greatest support, and you, theirs, if you both have realistic expectations for each other.

Fibromyalgia is a condition that affects more than just the person diagnosed with it. Getting the support you need is an essential part of dealing with a loved one suffering from fibro and its related conditions. Help is out there if you look for it and are willing to reach out. You are not alone in your struggles.