Surprise! Your Date is a Vegetarian - How to Avoid Embarrassing You Both

It's always the same story: after he finds out I'm a vegetarian, he gets noticeably shaken and the clumsy apologies come, followed by the usual slew of questions. He feels awkward, I feel awkward, and we both wish the subject never came up. It's unavoidable, though; if you're dining with a vegetarian, the topic of meat-eating always finds its way onto the table. However, awkwardness doesn't have to come as a side dish. There are ways to avoid making you or your date uncomfortable when you find out she's an omnivore.

I've often imagined the scenario that my eating habits have inspired from his point of view: So far, the date has been flawless. Sipping a glass of wine, he starts to relax a bit. He's out to impress tonight, proud of himself for not garbling the wine order (he was worried about how to pronounce "shiraz" all day, but it seemed like a much more sophisticated choice than boring old merlot). He's been looking forward to his steak all day. The waiter comes by and I'm still deciding, so he orders first. I finally settle on a pasta dish, and his ears perk up when you he hears me say, "just please make sure there's no meat in the sauce; I'm a vegetarian."

Uh oh.

He gets a bit panicky. "Omigod, I didn't know," he thinks. "I ordered steak. She hates me. I offended her. I blew it." He scrambles for an apology... an excuse... an explanation... anything to earn my forgiveness for his carnivorous ways. I politely smile, thinking "ugh, not this again."

What follows are five little tips to keep in mind if you find yourself sharing a meal with a vegetarian. Of course, these are loose guidelines gleaned from personal experience, and I doubt that all vegetarians would agree with me. If in doubt, it's probably wise to err on the side of tact and consideration, which is where I intend for these guidelines to take you.

1. Be aware that most vegetarians don't care what you have to eat.

I've been a strict vegetarian for most of my life, but I've never tried to convert my date to vegetarianism. Yes, I have strong opinions on the subject, and eating meat isn't right for me, but you're free to do as you please, and you're not going to offend me.

2. There is no need to apologize.

What are you sorry for? Disagreeing? Eating what you are hungry for? That's silly. Eat what you want to eat! You weren't sorry for ordering it until you saw that it differed from my choice, so excessive apologies come off as insincere.

3. Know what "vegetarian" means.

Don't go through the barnyard and ask which animals qualify as "meat." They all do. By definition, vegetarians don't eat animals. Yes, that includes chicken; chickens are animals (why does everyone ask that?). Also, some vegetarians (myself included) don't eat seafood either, but most do eat eggs and dairy. If they don't, they're considered to be "vegan." Do a little Googling later if you're curious about these distinctions; don't quiz your dinner date. And on the same note, don't ask what she does eat. Think about this for a moment. There are thousands of foods that don't include meat. Do you want her to try to list them all? Really?
4. Don't ask her why she doesn't eat meat or what inspired the decision.

Especially at dinner. Especially on the first date. There are lots of reasons why people become vegetarians, and she probably has a good one. If you're really interested, there will be plenty of time to pursue the topic - later - when you know each other better. She's going to be worried that you won't accept her reasoning, that you'll think she's a weirdo. She's probably tired of justifying her ethical/political/health stance; it gets irritating after awhile. Sometimes I think about how nice it would be to get through a meal without the issue coming up.

5. And finally, please, please, please don't argue with your date's choice to be a vegetarian.

You already know you don't see eye-to-eye on the issue; why dwell on it? If she's been a vegetarian for more than a week, she's given the topic a great deal of thought, and she's already weighed the counter-arguments. You're not going to change her mind; you're not going to bring up a profound point that she never considered.

Bottom line: the next time you find yourself at dinner with a vegetarian, just let it be. It doesn't need to get awkward. You have no idea how refreshing it would be to have dinner with someone who simply said, "Oh, you're a vegetarian? That's cool," and left it at that. Relax, enjoy your steak, concentrate on the things you have it common, and invite her over for a nice, home-cooked eggplant parmesan next time.