Survey: Fewer Americans Think Children Are Central to Marriage

Children are not key to a successful marriage, but are still the ideal. At least that is one way to read the newly published results by the Pew Research Center.

The Pew Research Center's survey on what makes a marriage released July 1, 2007 noted a sharp decline in American's perceptions of children as an important factor in successful marriages. In the 1990 World Values Survey, children ranked third in a list of important factors; the 2007 respondees ranked children eighth out of a list of nine. In 1990, 65 percent of Americans said children were key to a good marriage; only 41 percent responded in kind.

The pursuit of happiness
According to the Pew Research Center, by a nearly 3-to-1 margin Americans say the main purpose of marriage is mutual happiness and fulfillment, and not bearing and raising children. The two most highly ranked factors in the survey - faithfulness and a happy sexual relationship - remain virtually unchanged at 93 percent and 70 percent, respectively. Factors such as sharing housework chores and adequate income rank high above children in this list.

The survey also found that by a margin of 58% to 38%, more Americans agree with the statement that "divorce is painful, but preferable to maintaining an unhappy marriage" than agree with the statement that "divorce should be avoided except in an extreme situation." These responses reflect a burgeoning belief in shared happiness as central to a good marriage, and also a reflection that happy people make better parents.

Cherish the child
Despite this decline in American's perceptions of children as less central to marriage, they are as important as ever to their parents. According to the survey, as a source of fulfillment, "children occupy a pedestal matched only by spouses and situated well above that of jobs, career, friends, hobbies and other relatives." Of the responding individuals, 85 percent of Americans name their relationship with their minor children as central to personal fulfillment and 81 percent say it is their relationship with their spouse or partner. With a 3 percentage point margin of error, this statement reveals the choice between their children and spouse or partner is a neck and neck decision in relationship to happiness.

U.S. birth rates are holding steady as well as more than 4.1 million children were born in 2006 according to Census data. Survey results show that by a huge margin Americans endorse the mom-and-dad home as the best setting in which to raise children. According to Census data, approximately 63 percent of all births in the U.S. in 2005 were to married couples. This means the birth rate to single women in America is about 37 percent, which is up from just 5% in 1960. Rates of births to unwed mothers also have risen in the United Kingdom and Canada, and in Western Europe.

The age of a woman at the birth of her first child is also rising; according to data from Child Health 2005, the average age in the United States is 24.9 years old. Meanwhile, the birth rates among older mothers ages 35-44 continues to increase, while rates for women in their twenties and early thirties declined or remained stable. Birth rates for teenagers have fallen steadily in the past decade and reached a record low in 2002.

What does it mean?
As men and women are older when they become parents, they are also accustomed to doing things that make them happy. Whether it is travel, a fulfilling job, traditions with friends, or entrenched hobbies, older parents have had more time to know who they are. They have also had more time to grow into their relationship with one another. As such, habits and day-to-day details are more engrained.

The survey results also indicate that times and relationships have evolved. Gone are the days when the household was solely the woman's domain. Additionally, individuals weigh how various aspects of their lives impact their relationships, without making children responsible for their marriages' stability. This is actually healthy, as it forces parents to retain responsibility for their relationship, without putting all of the pressure on their children. Raising children is an all-encompassing endeavor that goes in waves, but happy men and women make better parents.

Despite the greater public acceptance of divorce, rates of divorce, after more than doubling from 1960 to 1980, have declined by about a third in recent decades, according to the National Center for Health Statistics. While in 2005 there were 7.5 marriages per 1,000 people and 3.8 divorce, these were not the same people and so the oft-cited 1 out of every 2 marriages ends in divorce is misleading. Perhaps a more useful way to look at the numbers is concentrating on the success rate of marriages as expectations are often self-fulfilling.

How to get there
Instead of reading the survey responses as an indication that traditional family values such as sacrifice, stability, and dependability, are being replaced by selfish fantasies and desires, the results reflect a move to create a strong home by not completely subjugating independent desires and adult pursuits. That fact that Americans list housework as pivotal to a happy marriage indicates that the little things matter.

Couples who put effort into making one another happy, pursue outside and independent interests, and keep the lines of communication open can have stable and joyful marriages. Strong relationships build strong families, which equate to happy children and parents alike. And taking out the garbage or washing the floor on a regular basis helps, too.

Sources:

Pew Research Center

National Center for Health Statistics

Child Health 2005