Surving Your Preemie's Stay in the NICU

I can remember the first time that I stepped foot into the NICU, or Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, at Baptist Hospital in Nashville. I was completely and utterly terrified. I was twenty four weeks pregnant with my second child, and hospitalized due to complications. When, I first spoke with the Neonatalogist the night before, she told me many things. So many, that my head was spinning from all of the complications she was talking about, the statistics that she was giving me, and just the mad jumble of trying to cope with the fact that something was wrong with my baby. The one thing that stuck out in my mind, was her telling me not to let it scare me if I did not hear my baby cry when he was born. I kept thinking, "How could that not scare me?" She offered to let us tour the NICU the next day, to try and help us adjust to the idea that our baby may be there when he was born.


When I stepped into the NICU, the first thing we had to do was wash our hands. From there, she walked us through the three different levels, the Intensive, where the smallest and sickest babies were. The Intermediate, for when they were getting a little stronger, and were basically stabilized. Finally, the Stepdown, this is where the babies were that were being prepared to go home. I looked at all these tiny, tiny babies. I gazed at all the monitors and machines in awe, praying that I never had to see them hooked to my baby. I left, crying, and praying that my baby would not need that place. It seemed nice enough, and the babies were definitely well monitored, but I could not even fathom my baby being there.


When my son was born, all two lbs and six ounces of him were carted off to the NICU immediately. I was lucky though, I got to see him before they had to take him, and even got to hear him cry. However, my heart broke, and my mind raced what were we dealing with? How long would he be here? Would he and I still be able to bond?


For the next six weeks, my baby boy's home was that NICU ward. When we first went in, he was in Intensive. He was so tiny. He was in an open crib so that they could monitor him closely and get to him quickly if the need should arise. He had a tube going down his mouth, and was on oxygen as well. The nurse took lots of time explaining the need for both. The need for the oxygen was apparent, but I was not sure about the other tube. She told us that was his feeding tube. He was not strong enough to take a bottle, so it would supply his nutrition. After that first day, I was still scared but felt much more at ease, that these people really cared about my son, too.


Over the course of the next six weeks, I drove to that NICU ward every single day. At first, it was really hard. But, the nurse's showed us how to do everything we could for our son. They taught us to tube feed him, showed us how to change his diapers, and even the way that preemie's could best handle touch. I did not understand everything, but when you have a baby in the NICU, the nurses become your lifeline to sanity. They are the one's who teach you everything you need to know to care for your baby, the one's who care for him or her when you are not there, and it is their voices that you hear on the phone when you call just to check on your baby. No one can help you more in understanding what is going on with your baby than their nurses can. They can give you everything from a breakdown of what is happening with your child medically, to an understanding hug when you just need some encouragement. They will be your child's biggest cheerleaders outside of your family.


The second lifeline that I found that got me through the six weeks my son was in the NICU was the other parents that had children there. No one can understand the parent's perspective easier than another parent experiencing the same thing. They will share your joys and your tears. They will understand the rollercoaster of emotions that you feel, and how something as simple as not getting to change a diaper can be devastating. They undestand it like no one else, because they are there too.


The final thing that got me through my son's six week NICU stay was carving out some time for me. Some days, I spent that time crying, some days I spent it reflecting on everything going on, and some days I spent that time praying. However, the little bit of time each day that I carved away for myself, helped to keep me sane. It gave me time, to just be. It gave me a time when I did not have to pretend to be strong or try and comfort someone else. It let me feel sorry for myself for a minute, without feeling guilty about it because I knew my son was doing better than some of the others. It gave me the opportunity to embrace and deal with each and every emotion that surrounded having a baby that was getting stronger and bigger each day, but that I still could not take home.


Having a baby in the NICU is one of the most terrifying experiences a parent can go through. It would be easy to lose oneself in the fear and the sadness. However, there are ways to cope with having a baby in the NICU. Most begin by reaching out. Reach out to the nurses, reach out to the other parents, and allow yourself to experience the emotions that are so natural for anyone to have. Because, while having a baby in the NICU is terrifying, not having a NICU and needing one would be so much worse.