Survival Tactics for a Boys-Only Mom

When I was a little girl playing with dolls and pretending I was a mother, my pretend babies were always girls. I used to look through catalogues and imagine what clothes I would buy for my imaginary daughters. I felt sure that someday, somehow, I would have a daughter. The thought of having a son never crossed my prepubescent mind. Fast forward about thirty years and I am a mother with two sons and no daughters.

As a child, I could never have imagined the intensity of love that I would feel for my little guys, much less that they would be guys to begin with. Now, after seven years of living in a testosterone loaded house, I have learned a few survival tactics, namely to keep my sense of humor and to give up on having a clean house.

Housecleaning 101

Boys are genetically programmed to not see clutter. This clutter includes Lego pieces scattered over the floor, dirty socks on the couch, and half-eaten snacks that have been forgotten for hours. Whether the boy in question is my 38 year old husband, my 7 year old son, or my almost 3 year old son, they just don't see it. Sometimes, as a mom, it feels easier to simply do all the picking up myself. After all, I could pick toys up in a couple of minutes or I could argue with my son for ten, wait for him to be ready for another thirty, give twenty reminders and then watch him pick up exactly half of the mess.

Or, I could hold the computer games hostage. I've learned that my 7 year old will work fast if I dangle the computer game carrot in front of him. Since I also tend to be a softy as far as my children are concerned, I don't expect him to have every single thing picked up. So, I tell him to pick up 50 toys or a 100, depending on how bad the mess is. That way, he puts a big dent in the mess and learns that tidying doesn't have to be time consuming. At the same time, I feel like I am teaching him to be responsible.

Of course, the system isn't perfect. It does have its drawbacks. For instance, it's much easier to teach young children to pick up after themselves than it is to teach a grown man to do the same.

Bodily Noises

No matter what their age, little boys find burping and farting hilarious. Not only is it funny for them, it is something they take great pride in. Dinner time can be the most musical time of the day in our house.

Trying to have a dinner table conversation is easier if I allow my sons to burp their responses. Sometimes the only conversation we have is one son burping, followed by the other son saying "good one". I do set some limits at the dinner table. I draw the line at farting while we are trying to enjoy our meal.

Potty humor goes hand in hand with the enjoyment of bodily noises. It is why the Captain Underpants series of books, by Dav Pilkey, are so popular with the under 8, male set. Words like 'underpants' or 'toilet' can be funny. Comedians learn how to play to their audience. As a boys-only mom, I've learned that I sometimes have to use potty humor to get my sons to take me seriously. If they can make me say 'underwear' and I can laugh about it with them, they will be more likely to pick 20 action figures up off the floor.

Learning New Things

When my husband and I first started planning a family, I had visions of playing with little girls, reliving my own Barbie-doll days. Little did I know, I would not have occasion to shop in the pink aisle at the toy store, but I would instead be searching out Pokemon cards and Star Wars transformers. They say that keeping your mind active is one way to slow down the aging process. My mind is certainly active as I listen to my sons recite Pokemon names and facts. I know that Pichu evolves into Pikachu who then evolves into Raichu. That is just the tip of the ice burg of my Pokemon knowledge, all learned in the past year.

In addition to all the facts and figures involved in the trading card world, I have also learned that little boys are sweet and sensitive. They love to snuggle with their mothers. And they love to hear bedtime stories about what life was like when I was a girl all those years ago.

They aren't interested in how different I was from them, but in the ways that I was the same. It is fascinating to them that I grew up without cable and without computer games, yet I played with Legos, just like they do. My older son is comforted by the fact that I, just like him, was scared of the dark as a child. He likes to hear how I dealt with all the household noises that seem to be audible only at night. My younger son is interested in the funny stories about how my older sibling and I fought and then made up so we could play together. As my boys drift off to sleep with these stories in their minds, I smile. I wouldn't trade the chorus of burps and stacks of Pokemon cards for all the Barbie dolls in the world.