Survive the First Date - Dating is Tricky, but These Tips Should Help

Welcome to the summer of love. Although it's not titled that officially, it's what everyone is looking for all year round, and with summer being the time of beaches and late nights; boats and night clubs, drinks and impaired judgment, it's certainly about love.

And even in this age of empowered women; it's still the responsibility of a guy to not only ask out a woman, but to wine and dine them as well. Simply put: girls have it easier. Still, you'd think that with dozens of years of practice, guys would be better at doing the right things. Sure, women are complicated and unique in themselves, but guys seem to make the same mistakes all the time.

So if you're single, and you're looking for love this summer, you might need a little guidance. How do I know how to help you? I've spent the better part of my life as the unthreatening best friend. I've spent my life toiling in the hell that is the Friend Zone. I've now got a wonderful girlfriend and so my years of listening to the constant complaining from women about socially and sexually inept men who couldn't charm their way out of a paper bag.

So I'll save you all the trouble of consulting Maxim and FHM for your summer dating tips. Without further ado, I bring to you an interesting look at things to avoid when going on a first date with any woman.

1. Never Call Her A Whore - Remember the good ole days when you could just up and call a woman a whore? Well, with today's "modern" woman, with her morals and her high self esteem, it seems as if calling her a whore is just plain out of the question. And if you're thinking about calling her a tramp, trollop, slut, skeezer, hooker, whench, or bitch as an alternative, think again. Woman want to be treated with respect. There is an old adage that you should treat every woman you meet like your mother, and for the most part that's true, except for the fact that you probably want to be on her. But the fact remains that uttering a line like "That dress really makes you look like a whore." Or "Hey, whore." Or "I'll punch you in your whore teeth," will likely not get you a second date.

2. Never Pull "It" Out At Dinner - Come on now, we all know you should never do this. We all want it to breath. Sometimes it needs a little free time, but at the dinner table has never been appropriate. There are things that are never supposed to show themselves at dinner. Politics, religion, and your unmentionables; either in conversation or in person. This brings me to point 2a, never talk about your whody-who at dinner with a girl. She's not impressed and if you give her a visual, she'll be even less impressed. Trust me, there have been guys who thought that this was a good move, my friends have told me that it is not. If this is a real problem for you, seek professional help, if you think that it makes for good comedy, seek professional help.

3. Never Take Off Your Pants - One time I was on a date with this girl and it was really going well. We had dinner at a quaint little Italian Restaurant and had decided to go for a stroll, so at one point in the walk I told her we had to stop for a second, we stopped and I took off my pants. Now I had boxers on but for whatever reason, she didn't find that to be a suitable move. I then talked to a few female friends of mine and they concurred that taking your pants off at an unexpected point in the date, especially a public point will only get you a bad reputation. I'm sorry that it had to be that way but I learned a valuable lesson that people don't really want to see you with no pants on.

4. Never Start Screaming - I guess this rule is really about losing your temper. Women do like a strong man. They like someone who can take charge of a situation, but they also appreciate someone who has a modicum of self control. Let's say that you're out to dinner and when receiving the check you notice that you have been overcharged. Do you

a. Politely flag down the waiter and point out the discrepancy.

b. Ignore the overcharge if it isn't too much money and pay the bill.

c. Stand up at your table and begin screaming "Why? Why are you so incompetent? I will kill you and everyone you have ever loved? You are awful and you will pay dearly in the realms of hell for this you ignorant bastard?

If you said C then you have some serious problems and perhaps some sort of group therapy would be more appropriate for you then dating. Just keep your cool and she'll appreciate the manner in which you handled the situation. However, if she is made aware of the overcharge and she gets up and starts screaming, then not only should you scream too, but you should also marry her and get a group rate discount on therapy.

So those are my four noble truths about dating a woman for the first time. You'll need to know them to survive the dating world. With that being said, if you are not already aware of these subtle nuances to dating, then you might be beyond the scope of my help, but keep trying and keep your pants on.