Surviving Deployment: How to Maintain a Successful Marriage Through the Distance

When I first received the news that my husband was to be deployed to Iraq my heart sank. I knew this deployment was either going to make us or break us. We have successfully made it through one five month deployment and now we are on our second deployment with no return dates allotted. Here are some tips on how to survive deployment, whether it be your first, second, or third.

The first step in surviving deployment is not to worry. Now how in the world are we not to worry about the safety of our husbands? Well, it is hard, if not nearly impossible to not worry. Yet, how far is worrying going to get you? Stressing yourself out about whether or not he is safe is not going to change the conditions he faces. So, for your own benefit and for his also, try not to worry.

The next step is to surround yourself with military friends. When my husband first deployed I had no military friends and lived no where near a military community. I had my close buddies, but they had no idea what I was going through. You need someone who understands the hardships of deployment.

The third step is to become involved with your church or community. These activities will keep you grounded and help the time pass. In addition to volunteering your time, pick up a few hobbies. This is your chance to do what you have always wanted to do. As for me, I have taken up my hobby of reading and writing. I never seem to have time to do this when my husband is around so this is my catch-up phase.

The fourth step is to maintain communication with your husband. I always carry my cell phone with me to ensure I never miss a phone call. I also have yahoo messenger activated on my phone so my husband can instant message me on my phone whenever he has some down time. (To activate Yahoo Messenger on your phone, sign into the messenger and under the file menu there should be an option to add your phone number. Whenever you log out of the messenger you have the option of logging into your mobile device. Now anyone can instant message your phone from the computer and you receive it as a text message.) I also try to send care packages regularly and write in a journal that I share with him on his homecoming.

The fifth step is to make sure your husband knows that you honor and respect him. Never make him feel guilty or resent him for his job. His job allows him to serve his country as well as you! Every few weeks I like to sit down and write a letter telling my husband how thankful I am for what he does, the pay check he brings home, and the fact that he trusts me with everything back home. We as wives should constantly praise our serviceman for the hard work he does. This will not only encourage him, but it will make his love for you grow stronger.

The sixth step is not to get your hope up about return dates! As of right now, I have received three emails with three different projected return dates. This can be very frustrating, but in most cases, you won't know the exact return date until a week before you husband comes home. So, no need to get your hopes up because unfortunately these dates are always changing.

Do not become discouraged, there are many women out there that have successfully survived deployments and are willing to help you survive yours. Check in with your local Family Readiness Group (FRG), this group is a wonderful resource to meet other women and participate in military activities. The FRG is also the resource that sends out information on the deployment, where the guys are located at, addresses to send care packages, and notifications on return dates.