Surviving Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence is a serious crime next to rape. Millions of people who have never experienced it themselves, or never knew anyone to experience Domestic Violence don't understand the concept that comes behind it. Back when I was a young child, not much was said or done about domestic violence. I knew it as Battered Woman. I had a few close friends who had parents or step parents that fought so often, but that was about it. My parents were never abusive to each other. They are very much still in love and are still married to this day after thirty six years.

When I was growing up, I saw friends who had parents fighting occassionally. I didn't think it was "OK" for dad or the step parent to hit the other parent. Once I had told my mother, that was it for me ever going over to a sleep over again, without her or my father there. I've witnessed close friends go through domestic violence themselves and offered to help, in which they would refuse to leave for fear. I never understood the true concept of the fear of leaving, or the understanding of why these women or my female friends, couldn't just get up and go so easily when the help was there. That was, until I experienced it myself. Back when I was young, there was very little programs out there to help Battered Woman in abusive relationships or even marriages. Police usually didn't like coming out to family disputes. Neighbors, friends and even other family members rarely wanted to come out and get involved in with the abusive spouse themselves. Alot of the times, the abusive person would be too violent to handle and alot of people would ignore that something had to be done. Alot of the battered women would be too afraid to leave their spouses for fear of being stalked, hunted down, threatened and in some incidents being killed.

As years had passed, Battered Woman, or Domestic Violence as it is now called these common days, has evolved so much. There are many programs to help the abused. There are shelters, safety for their themselves and their children, and counseling, divorce , and other programs out there to help with your needs. Domestic Violence has yet, by far, not reduced in the years. As seen on the Media, newspapers, and all around, someone is always affected by Domestic Violence. In some incidents, it may result to death or the loss of a life. I have witnessed on television, relationships to marriages that were Domestic Violence result in death. Though in these incidents there might have been a protection, in each incident, it was a piece of paper, that the authorities couldn't protect the victim from. As for myself, I too, have survived Domestic Violence. I was married for two years, though we were together five years on and off. We have a son as a result of the relationship. Never did I think for a moment I would ever experience Domestic Violence myself. I always saw friends experience, but never myself. I endured his emotional, verbal, physical, mental abuse. His medical health didn't help with his problems and during the years with him, he rarely was on his medication.

Everything was my fault, no matter what was it. We split so many times, it was unbelievable. Each time we split, we always wind up back together to work it out. I was a fool, and in the end,was played as one. When I discovered I was pregnant with our son, he thought I was cheating on him, and threw me out. I had put my family through a living nightmare while I lived with them for few months. He would call crazy hours of the day, and night. From harrassing me, my employer, to my coworkers, friends, and family. My daughter, from another marriage, and my family begged me to leave him and keep and raise the baby without him. I thought he would straighten up and be a family man and a father. We got back together, to try and patch things up. Our son was born and things were ok that first month.He had been off his medication for a few months, as I was unaware while I was with family.

I wasn't thrilled knowing this, but dealt with it, as I always had. He came home one night extremely intoxicated, which made him very violent while off his medication. He as well had been out with a female friend I didn't approve of as well. A fight ensued with us, and I was being smacked around, beaten down on the ground by his hands. The beating was unbearable to describe and so horrific it brings back terrifying nightmares for me still to this day. He had muttered at one point during his beatings, that he would one day kill me and bury me in someone's backyard where none could find me. I had at one point managed to escape and run to our bedroom and baracade myself for a short time to grab my cellphone to call for help. Before long, he had broken down the door and had grabbed my head, to which he smacked against the dresser. As I came to, and looked up, I had noticed my upper lip was so cut wide up, you could see missing teeth, and several chipped teeth as well. I needed medical attention badly, I could barely walk, let alone talk.

The police were no strangers to us in the years we were together. Neither were the local Sheriffs either. Upon entering our home, he tried to explain to them that nothing was wrong, and I had accidentally walked into a wall. His parents had shown up, after he had called them, to see what was going on. By this point, my daughter had awaken, and was hysterical once she had seen me in that white robe covered in blood. My face was so badly beaten and severely swollen, my lip and mouth cut so wide open. I was barely walking in the hallway towards the kitchen when the police officer caught me and his mother had seen me. Everyone was disgusted what they had seen. He was arrested and charged with Domestic Violence and Assault. He spent time in jail, and I received a Order of Protection against him, not a first for me. But like a fool, I allowed him back too.

Though he had served his time, I thought he would change his ways each time. His mother came to gripping terms to talk to me to make things work out between her son and myself. I had discovered in our conversations, that a pattern was going on here. His father was abusive towards his mother when he was growing up too. Yet his parents are still married to this day. Things between us just never got better. I even married him after his release, thinking that since he went back on his medication he would change. For eight months, we were a happy family. The final straw of my nightmare, came when he started lying to me again. He started hanging out all of hours of the night with other females. It got so bad, he had confessed he had cheated on me more than once during our marriage. If that wasn't enough, he was doing drugs again, some I was unaware of.

The low down came when we lost our home. We had to live in a hotel for few months, while our belongings stayed in storage. Never did I imagine that the man I tolerated and waste five years on a wasted life, would in the end play me for a fool. I was abandoned in the end, with the clothing on my back, and everything I had taken away from me, leaving me at that hotel. Family came to my aid when I needed them the most. Staying with them for awhile, I got the courage to seek help at a local Domestic Violence Shelter Program. I was given shelter and counseling for a year. Since that time, I have gained alot of courage, strength and wisdom from what I went through that abuse back years ago. Alot still needs to be learned and shared in regards about Domestice Violence today. As each situation, I believe, can be different and have unique needs to the abuse or victim. Domestice Violence will not go away, and sure isn't getting better as I have seen in today's society.