Surviving Family Conflict

Family conflicts can range from fighting over whose turn it is to do dishes, to someone ruining or shrinking someone's shirt, to refusing to honor a previously made commitment.

Conflict is defined by Wikipedia as "an ongoing state of hostility between two groups of people, and when two or more parties with perceived goals seek to undermine each other's goal-seeking capability."

With family members, the factors most commonly associated with conflict are personalities, perception and emotion. Communication barriers are also often a cause of conflict between families.

Personalities alone are enough of a source of conflict. People are naturally and uniquely different. What may upset one person may not even affect another. What frustrates one person, another may not even notice.

Communication barriers are also a common cause of conflict. Differences in background and upbringing are often a cause of communication barriers. Fear, timidity, apathy and stubbornness are also likely causes of communication barriers. Communication barriers can also include age, social status, ethics and beliefs.

One way to help bridge the personality and communication barriers is to try using different modes of communication. Keeping a journal, and encouraging other family members to keep a journal is one way to vent frustrations without taking it all out on another person.

Frustration is often vented towards family members who may not have even been the cause of it. Keeping a journal may help alleviate some of this.

Also, it is vitally important to demonstrate to your family that you appreciate them. Giving acknowledgments, saying please and thank you, and remaining willing to serve are all ways to demonstrate appreciation and foster healthier relationships.

Another way to deal with family conflict is to bring in a third party. Family counseling and marriage counseling are ways of demonstrating the value of healthy family relationships and a way to burn the past bridges and build new ones.

Many families think that a counseling session is only needed if the situation is completely out of hand. However, it is not a bad idea to strategically and intentionally work on building those relationships and keeping them well maintained. Refusing to acknowledge that your family member's relationships could use some help is just foolish.

Also, conflict may sometimes seem too difficult to handle. This is why it is so important to be willing to get help. After all, it takes a village to raise a child and we are not meant to live life alone. Outside support, the support of a church family and other professionals are all wonderful resources that are there for a reason!

According to conflict911.com, there are several ways to deal with conflict between family members.

It is important to pay attention to the warning signs. For example, if someone in your family is a constant source of criticism, harsh advice and emotional pain, you need to let them know.

Some psychologists suggest building a stronger alliance with the family members you do enjoy. Connecting with siblings, cousins and in-laws who are sensible and caring may help from feeling depleted and discouraged by your family.

Staying positive and communicating carefully and purposefully are also vital when it comes to dealing with family conflict.

Also, search for alternatives. For example, the next time you are having a personal problem with someone, try coming up with a way to handle the situation better. Look at it from a professional standpoint and ask, 'what is best for the family?'

Setting small achievable goals will also help in the process.

Also, rather than responding to something negative in a negative way, saying something like 'That's interesting, I'll consider it' is one way to avoid a negative conflict or argument.

Spending time together doing something both parties can enjoy is also a healthy way to build communication.

Lastly, avoiding conflict is often a source of bigger conflict. Communicating expectations and purposes, as well as overall family goals will help prevent conflict and help to work through conflict within your family.