Surviving High School with Depression

Walking down the hallway of my own high school sometimes seemed like an impossible feat. I would walk with my eyes scanning the ground and my back slumped over - my posture was horrid. Sure, I had friends, but I also had something else - depression.

Imagine the stress of having a psychological disease that people often correlate with serial murderers and other disturbed people. Now take that stereotypical image, place it into an innocent teenager, then place that teenager in a building with 3,000 other peers and see what happens. I could feel the eyes of others checking over me judging every step I took, every fiber of clothing I wore on my body, and my feelings. Sure, I didn't look like much at all. I was just your average teenager going to class A to class B minding my own business. I wasn't blessed with the gift of being a social butterfly, but I held my own the best I could. My friends couldn't always be there, as classes were mildly spread out throughout the school. Lunch was a godsend, but I guess everyone feels that way on some level.

Some people cannot merely comprehend the toll that depression takes on ones' life. If I were to get help (which I did), people would belittle me for seeking therapy and/or medication. If I were to not find help, my condition would get worse, and I would have no idea what was going on in my head. Luckily, and I am not scared to say it, I did obtain help. I kept my condition a secret to the public. I had been quiet all of my life, and I personally believe that is one reason the depression struck me so hard in high school. High school is commonly known as an area of heavily socialization. With depression always raining on top of me, how was I supposed to socialize? Depression came in a bundle package with another disease for me as well - anxiety. I could not talk to strangers easily, as most people can't. But it was more than that to me. I felt as if there were an inpenetrable barrier between me and the rest of society, aside from my already acclaimed companions.

However, when one roams the halls of high school, you must roam alone at times. At these times I would feel the depression beating on me. There were so many other students around me, but I always failed to make conversation. I couldn't even say "Hello" or "How are you?" to any of them, as I would choke up. I wasn't hitting on anyone, I was trying to recruit some new friends into my life. Love is another story that I will possibly get into another time.

Loneliness, as a definition from my personal point-of-view, is the most saddening of all feelings. Loneliness is associated with many somewhat-logical thoughts such as "I'm not good enough to talk to" and "I am to fat/uglystupid/ect. to talk to", even if they aren't true. The evidence, according to the victim (me in this case), is all there. People aren't talking to me, and those are the reasons why.

Surviving high school with depression was the toughest task I have ever taken on. I did get help, as I said before, and I am not afraid to admit it. Everyone has problems in their life, whether it be depression, family problems, drug/alcohol abuse, or whatever, it's there. Everyone contains some sort of "flaw", and everyone should get help for this "flaw", as it takes away from the purity of life.

Now I am a college student. I still have a hard time talking to people, but it's not nearly as bad as before. High school got better with time and treatment. I gained tons of new friends, I gained a lot of knowledge, and I was discovering what life was all about - enjoyment. Do what you enjoy, and do what you need to get there. In high school you I felt analyzed by every person every day, it was torture. I overcame my fears and went full force into seeking happiness. I ripped through the walls of depression and anxiety to obtain my goal of self-satisfaction.

I hope these words help others that have depression, or any other sort of setbacks that hold them back from enjoying life. Doing the impossible is possible, you just need to fight for it.