Surviving the Holidays

A few days after Halloween, I drove through downtown and noticed an emerging theme, the colors were transforming from harvest orange and brown hues to holiday greens and reds.

"It's time," I thought to myself.

It was a reality check, the moment the realization surfaces that it's time to drag out the lights and wreaths, find the extension cords and load a playlist on my iPod with Bing Crosby, Mariah Carey and the Coles - both Nat and Natalie. It was also the moment that the questions began to creep through my mind. Another holiday meant another extended family dinner, or two. Who would come? Who would protest? Would Uncle so-and-so bring his new girlfriend? Could Cousin such-and-such sit next to Cousin you-know-who without a fight ensuing?

These are the questions every family faces. It's inevitable. Families are made up of people. People are individuals, with differing personalities and tastes. Individuals don't always get along.

There are, however, ways to get through the time together without allowing these individual tastes to embitter your holiday meal. Here are a few favorite tips:

Tip #1 - Follow the rules of etiquette. This is especially important if you're the host. Seating arrangements are not useless, and can be a powerful tool. Use place cards with a beautiful holiday theme, or be more creative like using greeting cards in lieu of traditional place cards. Not only does this add to a beautiful presentation, it can encourage conversation and discourage bickering.

Tip #2 - Use music. It may sound obvious, but music is a mood enhancer. Holiday music can be uplifting, nostalgic and may even lead to spontaneous dancing. Guests will appreciate you taking the time to set the mood, and you can use caroling or other sing-alongs to minimize hot topics conversation.

Tip #3 - Provide a rest area. This is important for the host family and guests. As the host, you need to be sure you have a place to go for 5 - 10 minutes to recover from cleaning, preparing the meal and décor. You may just need a few moments to close your eyes so you aren't tired & grumpy during dessert. If your bedroom is filled with all the guest coats, hats & scarves, you can't use it as your personal retreat. Your guests may need a moment to recover with the Tylenol, Pepto or the Alka-Seltzer, so designate an area for them as well. When Sister Susie-Q asks if there's someplace she can go "close her eyes" for a moment, have a place ready. This works great for children's time-outs as well.

Tip #5 - Employ alternates. No, not alternate family members! If the main course is ham, and the 5 year old little guy wants peanut butter and jelly, you have a fight on your hands. The same thing applies if you have a guest that doesn't eat pork. They may not say anything aloud, but they are not having an entrée, which can lead to awkward silences, empty plates and hungry guests. It doesn't hurt to have a few pieces of chicken available to microwave, or a pre-prepared side dish from the grocery store ready to warm up if there's an issue such as dislike or allergies.

Tip #4 - Remember the sanctity of the day. How often do you get to see Uncle so-and-so, Cousin such-and-such, Cousin you-know-who and Sister Susie-Q together? It's a special occasion, a time for best behavior and that means letting some things go. It's a time for catching up, for laughter, for celebrating. We were taught that there are just times that you don't fight, and this is one of them. Afterall, we're family.