Surviving the Holidays After the Death of a Family Member

The Compassionate Friends (TCF) is a self-help organization for bereaved parents and families. With more than 600 chapters in the U.S., those who are "more seasoned" in their grief offer help and support to those who are facing their first holiday season after the loss of a family member, says a Nov. 20 press release.

The loss of a child is perhaps the greatest loss a parent can suffer, and TCF is especially focused on helping suffering families during the winter holiday season. Patricia Loder is the executive director of TCF. In 1991, she lost two young children in a car crash. She says that it's "difficult for those who have not been touched by the death of a child to understand the depth of despair which such a loss brings to a family. The stress of the holidays for bereaved parents, siblings, and grandparents can feel overwhelming."

While the world around seems to be wrapped up in festivities and happy events during the months of November and December, millions of other U.S. families who've lost a child or other family member are struggling with just surviving the last two months of the year. Some take vacations away from their familiar surroundings, and others virtually curl up and hide away. But, says Loder, there's "no way to run away from your grief during the holidays. Even if you escape on a vacation, your pain will be carried with you, and you will have left behind the support of relatives and friends. Talking with others who have also experienced the death of a child can help those facing grief to understand they are not alone. Others have survived the holidays and you will, too." That's where TCF can help.

In an online article, Paul Johnson, a bereavement coordinator for a Hospice program, says that "as stressful as the holidays are, they can be even more so for those who have recently experienced the death of a loved one. Many people fail to realize they don't have to do things exactly as they have in the past. They can make changes to make the holiday season easier. Failing to consider changes often adds to the stress level and makes dealing with the situation even harder."

Loder and TCF suggest that grieving families begin by planning ahead and prioritizing. Determine what is really important to you and your family and plan accordingly. If usual holiday tasks are too overwhelming, ask for help from friends or extended family members. Don't feel obligated or pressured to hold to your old traditions, whether that be large family gatherings or extravagant decorating. Don't feel pressured to have a large tree or string lights, for example, just because that's what you've always done. Perhaps a single candle in the window in honor or remembrance of your child or family member is the better choice. Consider honoring the memory of your family member in a unique way that will have special meaning for you. And don't forget surviving children; include them in the planning. Although they are grieving too, the holidays can provide a sense of normalcy if they are included to the degree they want to be included. If shopping is a must, consider shopping online or going to stores during times when there are fewer shoppers.

Finally, TCF holds The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting on the second Sunday in December. This can be done formally or privately in your home. Either way, it has proven to be immensely helpful to grieving families.

Loder also says to remember that grief is tough work; you should never feel guilty for not completing every task or accomplishing all you hoped to accomplish.

Source:

Press release; "Ten Tips to Help You Survive the Difficult Holidays After Your Child Dies;" http://www.prweb.com/releases/2007/11/prweb570790.htm

Article, "Dealing With Death During the Holidays;" http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_pwwi/is_200512/ai_n15940473