Surviving Multiple Miscarriages

Experiencing a miscarriage, whether the baby was expected or not, can be devastating, but multiple losses is far worse. Two or more miscarriages can signal a problem with one or both of the parents and although many couples continue on to have healthy children, the stress and anxiety caused by their losses makes further pregnancies unpleasant.

Two miscarriages are considered to be fairly normal, especially if the couple already has a child. The possibilities of another miscarriage go up slightly after two, but most doctors will recommend another go before doing genetic counseling. However, after three or more miscarriages, it becomes evident that something is going on and extensive tests are needed.

While a single miscarriage can cause a rift in a marriage, two or more can destroy it completely, especially if one partner (often the woman) becomes obsessed with having a baby. It is important for each person in the couple to realize that they have different methods of mourning and to support each other, even if they feel that their partner is indifferent.

Getting through the tests is the next big step. Apart from medical and genetic counseling, some couples benefit from marriage counseling as well, to help them deal with blame issues. When you want something so badly and it just isn't happening, it is very natural to blame your partner or even yourself, causing further problems. Therapy can help hold a marriage together during this difficult time.

Many families find it useful to mourn the passing of their unborn baby, even if it was only a few weeks into the pregnancy. If you have a body, you can bury it in a special place, but since there is no body to be had in many cases, there are other ways to remember your child.

Setting up a small shrine with ultrasound photos if you have any or any items that you had already bought for your child can be a good way to remember him or her. If you knew the sex, give the baby a name, or even if you just feel that it was a boy or a girl. The naming process helps parents grieve their child better. You might also dedicate something such as a park bench or a tree to your little one.

Once you have mourned, you need to move on. Especially if you have living children. It can be difficult to get over the loss of several babies, but your family needs you. Once you have gotten past the initial stages of grief, you can start looking at alternatives. Tests will reveal if there is a fixable problem or not and then you need to decide as a couple if you are willing to treat the problem. In some cases, treatment is far more expensive and painful than a couple is willing to endure.

If you decide to go for other options, there are plenty available in the form of adoption, surrogacy and others. It is worth while learning about them, even if you aren't sure what you want to do. For some couples, not being able to have a biological child is too difficult to come to grips with and they are unable to go with another option, choosing instead to remain childless. This is a legitimate choice, too.

It is awful and difficult to have miscarriage after miscarriage, but you cannot let it ruin your life and the life of your family. Learning about your options and getting therapy to help you mourn is a good way to take action against the sad circumstances that have affected your life.