Surviving Rape

She was a tomboyish 15-year-old girl, trying to find her way in a small, yet rough, city of Toledo, Ohio. She developed a pattern after school. She would rush home to her shared, two bedroom, apartment to watch one of her favorite cartoons and then the most popular late afternoon talk show at the time. She did this five days a week, alone. This particular girl was no innocent! She cursed, she frequented the clubs on the weekends with friends, she had plenty of boyfriends, she could be rude, defiant, and downright disrespectful when she wanted to be. And the worst thing of all about this girl, is that she was a brawler. She was quick and ready to fight anybody who came in her face ranging from family, to strangers, to rival gang members. But despite her troubled past and combative personality, she was a highly intelligent teenager.

She didn't deserve what happened to her on April 15th, 1993. She was watching television when there was a knock at the door and she did not hesitate to open it. She was entirely too trusting. In walked her oldest sister's ex boyfriend. About thirty minutes into his visit he pounced on her like a vicious lion onto a newborn kitten. The attack on her lasted for what seemed like hours. After he was done, he went into her bathroom, got a washcloth and told her to clean herself up and then smugly walked out of the door. She was devastated. Her life would never be the same.

This is just one example of how women are raped, beaten, and taken sexual advantage of, around the world. There are some circumstances where women have consensual relations with a man and then calls it rape. And there are some women who just downright lie about the whole encounter. But there are still more women who doesn't report it, doesn't mention it to friends and family, and who mourns silently and alone.

Being a victim of rape doesn't only affect you physically, it affects you mentally, and emotionally as well. Your scars will heal outwardly on your body a lot faster then your inward scars. I strongly suggest group therapy. I believe that hearing other ordeals first hand and having others to lean on for support will help get you through. I also believe in obtaining a person you have appointed as your "shoulder". You can call that person when you need to vent, cry, relive the attack, or just don't want to be alone.

The first step to recovery is realizing it wasn't your fault. I know a lot of women who say, "If I didn't get drunk", or "If I didn't wear that", or "If I didn't go there" etc. The fact of the matter is, they are wrong! No matter what you look like, where you went, or what you may or may not have said, they had no right to violate your body! Raping a person is like taking something that is dear and raking it through the coals! Rape is never acceptable or the victims' fault.

It infuriated me that I was usually so tough and strong but was helpless about stopping my attack from happening. I wish I had of changed how I handled my grief and depression after my ordeal was over. After my attack, I was afraid to be alone. I basically moved into a friend's house because she had a big family. I still laughed, but something was gone, missing out of my soul. I sometimes vividly remember all the gory details of my attack at the oddest times. Years later, I still felt that I was constantly unsafe and unprotected which led me to be in my first real relationship with an over protective, possessive, abusive man. My attack still haunts me in so many ways. I vowed to one day write about what happened to me so others could learn a lesson from my troubled past, but it was always too hard to do. I honestly believe you never get over it, fully, one hundred percent. And that is why I strongly suggest seeking help to assist you through.