Sweeping Changes Announced for the International Federation of Competitive Eating

NEW YORK - The sports world was stunned yesterday when the International Federation of Competitive Eating announced sweeping changes to the sport of amateur gurgitation.

"Due to the unbridled success of our competitors, we've been forced to up the ante by adding additional record categories," said George Shea, Chairman of the IFOCE. "Up until now, we've primarily focused on natural food products in any form or method of preparation. But with the records inching up at an alarming rate, we've decided to level the playing field by including non-mainstream and non-organic categories."

What Shea is referring to is the addition of three new gustatory categories: insects & reptiles, animal sweetbreads and non-organic hardware.

On the heels of the popular network television program, "Fear Factor," the IFOCE will begin hosting competitive eating events for insects at its next scheduled event at the Golden Palace.net World Series of Eating Events in Springfield, Illinois. "We're going to start off with three insect categories: flies, mealworms & beetles and a miscellaneous category that includes stink bugs, caterpillars, earwigs and ticks," said Shea. "We've heard of a guy down in New Orleans, named Huc-Mazelet Luquiens, who can wolf down 72 stink bugs in 6 minutes. And there's a 24 year old woman named Sally George Doke from Atlanta that holds the local record for South African Dung Beetles."

The additional categories were added in an attempt to challenge the numerous eating records held for burritos, butter, cheesecake, chicken wings, hard boiled eggs, hot dogs and spam. "There's one little lady named Sonya Thomas who ate over 9 pounds of Jambalaya last summer in 10 minutes," complained Shea. "Who in the heck can compete with that? And, another guy downed 45 conch fritters in 6 minutes! I don't know what a conch fritter is, but he ate a lot of them."

Early attempts with reptiles, however, have met with limited success. During the recent Johnsonville Bratwurst Random Drawing, a reptile eating exhibition event was staged. "We only had two competitors. One of them got sick halfway through her Ball Python and the other one had to be carted off by paramedics."

A more palatable event featuring animal sweetbreads will be hosted during the Waffle House World Waffle Eating Contest in Atlanta, Georgia. Last year, Joey Chestnut edged out Sonya Thomas by eating 18 1/2 eight-ounce Waffle House waffles in 10 minutes. "We'll see what they can do with bovine thymus glands and pancreas. This year's contest will give some of the newcomers, already versed in sweetbread consumption, an opportunity to compete with the old timers," said Shea. "Of course, Takeru Kobayashi, current record holder for Nathan's Coney Island hot dogs already has the record for 17.7 pounds of cow brains in 15 minutes," said Shea, "But cow brains aren't technically considered sweetbreads, so that record will probably be thrown out."

The newest category to be added is the inorganic hardware category. "The hardware category is open to just about anything you might be able to find in a Home Depot," said Cookie Jarvis, the current record holder for Grapes (8 pounds, 15 ounces in 10 minutes, November 1, 2005). "Although it's not condoned by the IFOCE, I've been practicing with some 3/8 inch aluminum wing nuts but will probably see how I do at the Ace Hardware Labor Day IFOCE Competition with some 1/4 inch slotted pan head screws. I've heard there's a guy that works at the Home Depot in Piney Woods, Texas that can eat 27 pounds of Hexagon Flange nuts in 7 minutes. I'm sure that's some kind of record, because no one has ever done it before." Not included in the hardware category are the numerous varieties of plumber's putties, silicone caulking and window sealants.

"We're really hoping that these new categories take off," said Shea. "Right now, the highest winner's purse for our events is $3,500 for the Nathan's contest. But we think if we can get sponsorship from Lowe's Home Improvement Centers, Sutherland's West or the Do it Yourself channel, we could really make it profitable for the contestants!"