Swingin' the Door

Never before, and never since, had I gone to the back door of my grandfather's house. There was a good reason for that, and my parents, my brother, everyone, told me, in their own way, "Don't go back there. Don't you do it!" But we were all nine once, right? Did you listen every time someone told you not to do something? No, of course not. Tell you what, though, it got a lot easier to do it after that Halloween night.

It was just an unwritten, but unbroken rule: You don't go into the back of Grandpop's house, not anywhere near it. It was a good size house, but the inside looked so small. You had the living room, the stairs leading up to the second floor, the kitchen, and nothing but black after that. Big family occasions, Grandma would be yelling at everyone, "Git out of my kitchen, ya hear? There's no gosh darn room in here!"

I always wondered why. Logan, my brother, he never did. "Unh-uh," he'd say, drawing that sound out to about seven seconds in length to emphasize how much he didn't think of it. And I was on board with it. It would take a huge, huge event to get me to even walk two steps toward that door. Earth-shattering, I say. My friend, Dougie, he provided just such an event for me, though.

He double-dead-dog dared me.

My manhood (?) challenged, there I found myself, heading for that back door that Halloween night, at break-neck speed, before I could change my mind, and charged in. It didn't strike me as weird at all that it was unlocked. Not even when I came face to face with a young woman. Floating roughly two feet off the ground.

"You didn't listen, did ya?," she said in a high, squeaky voice. She had long, flowing black hair, bright white skin, and nothing but blue in her eyes, no whites at all. I jumped backwards, hitting the wall pretty hard, so not only was I so scared my mother would have quite the adventure with my pants on laundry day, I now had the extra "pleasure" of losing my wind for a terrifying thirty seconds.

While I gasped for air, the ghost kept chewing me out. "Vincent, he tells everyone, 'I tell them stay out of here, I do, Veronica, I do,' but does anyone listen? NO! Especially on Halloween. Then I've got to go through my whole speech again. Yes, I'm a ghost. Yes, this is where I died. No, I didn't kill myself. No, I didn't have an unhappy childhood. Then, if that someone doesn't go running out of the room before the end, then I've got to pull my face off and that really hurts. Are you listening to me, boy?"

By now, my breathing had returned. "Y-y-yes," I mumbled.

"So, what's it gonna be, kid? Are you gonna be smarter than everyone other snot-nosed little so-and-so that their idiot buddies dared to walk in here and just leave now, or am I gonna have to get nasty?"

"How'd you know?"

"I've been dead for twenty years, I was 11 when it happened. I've seen this a few times, OK?"

I made myself as big as I could and shouted, "You don't scare me, you...you big doofus!"

She laughed, and I wished she'd start yelling again, that wasn't so scary. Ever had that feeling that your feet were stuck to the floor when you wanted to run so badly? There I was.

"Oh, a big, brave man! Gosh, my hero! My heart almost started beating again. Fine, you've got it. Here's the show!"

Boy, did I get it! She ripped her face off, hands reached out of it, grabbing for my face, while bright red and yellow light flared up all around me, and I smelled smoke. The room started spinning, and I lost my balance and fell on my face. She laughed again, then stopped and shrieked, "NOW GET OUT OF HERE! AHAHAHAHAHA!"

Then got right up next to my ear and whispered, "Boo!"

That got my feet moving, and I ran...into the wall. "Door's a few more inches to your left. Please spread the word, so I can have some peace. Thank you for flying with us today, and enjoy the rest of your life."

I was never so happy to see grass. What I wasn't happy to see was my grandfather, the meanest look I'd ever seen on his face, arms crossed, tapping his foot. Almost made me want to visit Veronica again.

"Didn't I tell you?," he growled.

I just nodded, hung my head, and walked my soiled self home.