Tai Chi or I Ching? Both Are Easy to Do, but Not the Same at All

In my eternal pursuit to become fitter the easy way I scour my local newspaper relentlessly for something interesting to do, without making the effort. When I noticed an ad saying that Tai Chi was not difficult and for all ages, I decided to give it a try. Since I don't speak any Chinese I completely confused Tai Chi with I Ching at first.

I Ching is very easy to do, and no sport at all. You throw some coins around and write down whether it was a + or a - and with the help of a tome the size of New York's phone book you supposedly get your future sorted out. When I was younger and still curious what was going to happen today I spent many hours happily throwing dimes around, thus seeking advise how things were going to be. Of course I forgot to read the introduction, which must have been at least 40 pages, so I missed the explanation on how to to it properly. The outcome was truly astonishing: I was a Military Leader and the troops would follow me.

Since I have absolutely no Military qualities whatsoever besides reading about guns in books, and the only followers I have are my 5 cats (and this only because I know how to open a can) I left the I Ching well alone and decided to live my future and see how we go.

With my non-existent knowledge of Chinese I decided to show up anyway. The ad said it was for all ages so this was going to be exactly my thing. When I arrived there was nobody under the age of 95 except the instructor and myself. Some even came in wheelchairs which to me was a good sign. The super annuitants apparently all went to the same social events and everybody knew each other. Listening to the conversations around me they lived a busy life; Monday was bowling, Tuesday was golf, Wednesday was Tai Chi and Thursday early walks through town, up and down the paved suburban hills.

I had hoped to sneak out but the lesson had started. As we all started waving our arms around in slow motion the Instructor kept on saying we had to "Breath in...and out...." This was to give the brains oxygen. And according to him, we were almost guaranteed to live to see the next Century if we just kept on breathing. I agreed with this; without air you aren't alive. I could have told him that.

The movements of Tai Chi are very, very slow. I asked the instructor what would happen if we were to go even slower. We would get a heart-attack he said. The old folks woke up from their mid-morning snoozes, thoroughly alarmed. Twittering among themselves in a corner of the room they decided en-mass to speed the movements up to Olympic speeds, arthritic joints or not. The next Century was promised and they were determined to see it.

The instructor looked around him in despair at all these Bruce-Lee characters with grey perms bobbing. An explanation was clearly in order; these folks had been coming to his lessons for years and thought it was a form of aerobics. After the revolt died down a bit he dropped his bombshell. It was not aerobics at all, he said, Tai Chi was an ancient form of Martial Arts. All the movements, so slowly and elegantly executed by this group, were actually moves to kill or at least maim someone, if done at the appropriate speed.

The slowness of the movements was buried in history, when the Masters were forbidden by the then Government to practice. So, since they were not silly, they still did the movements, but slowly. Hence the birth of Tai Chi in a nutshell.

The group was ecstatic. This was more like it. Now they could tell the "children" that they were practicing Martial Arts. Burglars would stay away from now on; no need for Dobermanns anymore to protect them.With renewed enthusiasm we started the lesson again. And once again we looked like an elderly ballet performing "Swan Lake". But a lot more dangerous than before. If speed ed up of course.