Taking the Blame

Whatever happened to being responsible for your actions? Whatever happened to stepping up and accepting the consequences for the mistake you just made? Few people seem willing to do this anymore - honesty has become an outdated notion right along with dignity and self-respect.

If you don't believe this, just watch "Judge Judy" some afternoon. Or CNN, for that matter. No longer will anyone accept responsibility for what they've done. From children to corporate executives, everyone tries shifting the blame or minimizing their involvement when the right thing to do is stand up and take what's coming. Easier said than done? Yes, particularly for children. Even more so when their role models are irresponsible, amoral people who themselves were never taught that when you do something wrong, you suffer for it. Is this really such an antiquated idea? Or are we all being programmed to point the finger somewhere else?

It's not hard to do the right thing if you haven't done the wrong thing. For example, it's easy to say, "Yes, in fact, I DID do the dishes for you!" but not so easy to announce, "Yes, in fact, I DID break your favorite dish!" At no time is this more true than when you are a child. You want to impress your parents, you want them to be happy with you and you don't want to look the fool. The old adage, "If they didn't see me do it, they don't know that I did it..." pops into their little heads quickly and is not so easily dismissed. However, most parents would rather hear the truth, especially if the action was accidental. But what if it was deliberate?

For children and adults alike, "coming clean" after consciously doing something wrong is no easy task. As adults, perhaps it's just easier not to do those things, thereby reducing the likelihood of having to cover your tracks. But again, watch the news and you'll see many adults acting much worse than most children do yet still not accepting responsibility for what they've done. Our own ex-president Clinton gave us a perfect example when he lied about doing things with Monica Lewinski. When backed into a corner, he took it one step further by trying to change the rules and proclaiming that what he did with that intern wasn't really sex. Fortunately, even presidents can't dictate what is and isn't sex. This man, one of the most powerful men in the world at the time, was minimizing like a preschooler. He just couldn't (meaning wouldn't) stand up and say, "Yes, I did and I'm sorry." for fear of repercussion. Instead he lied to the world - and got off. A great message to our kids, huh?

Either way, adult or child, by not taking "the blame" for what they've done they undermine the fabric of our society with their lies. Children learn a lot from what they see and even if you're a good parent, you probably can't stop them from watching all TV. They will see lots of adults behaving badly and getting off. They will see other adults defending their immoral (and oftentimes illegal) activities. They will eventually become jaded and figure that if no one else has to be held accountable, why should they? Then they grow up and raise their own children, leading by example, perpetuating the lies and irresponsibility.

The reality is that there's very little we can do about it. Turning off the TV would be a start, but it's not the end-all solution. Children are going to lie - an unfortunate truism but also a part of growing up and learning. "AND LEARNING." Learning to be responsible for what they do, learning to tell the truth, learning there are consequences, learning self-respect and dignity. Learning that being seen as "innocent' is not always as important as being seen as honest. As adults we are supposed to be showing these young, impressionable people how to behave in a society, how to properly treat others and how to be trustworthy people. If we leave that up to afternoon TV (or our ex-Commander-in-Chief), we're in a lot more trouble than we think.