Taking Lilly Captive

The two men spied their chosen prey coming through the door.

The ransom for this beauty would fulfill their dreams and more!

Her name is Lady Lilly and she's the fairest in the land,

Her Daddy's pride and joy pursued by every man.

Her hair is fiery red and her skin like golden honey.

A princess blessed with everything including Daddy's money!

The two men knew their time had come and this is life's big break

For taking Lilly captive would be a piece of cake.

They followed Lilly's carriage, the town left for behind.

They planned to keep her prisoner in the Old McDaniel Mine.

Silently they stalked her and took her by surprise,

But they didn't see a trace of fear within her pretty eyes.

They said, "Lilly darlin', be nice and do just what we say.

When your Daddy gets this note we'll free you hen he pays."

Lilly looked them over then faced them eye to eye.

"Before this is all over, boys, you'll wish that you could die!"

They laughed at Lilly's threat and paid it little heed

As she yelled, "You outlaw snake bellies I'm gonna make you bleed!"

The whole way to the mine she would not shut her yap.

She called them every rotten name and told them they were fat.

She told them they were ugly and smelled like dirty goats

And she'll gladly watch their eyes pop when their necks are squeezed by ropes!

Big Joe yanked her from the carriage and said she'd better quiet down.

But she punched him in the jaw so hard his backside hit the ground.

Jake the Snake grabbed her arm and she began to fight.

It took both men to hold her as she kicked with all her might.

They dragged her to the mine, their blood was everywhere.

She screamed that she would hurt them bad for messing up her hair!

She told them they were stupid, a poor excuse for men.

And badly as they cooked she's surprised that they aren't thin.

They tired to daydream of the fact that they would soon be rich

If they could just survive one night with this spoiled little witch.

Lady Lilly calculated their future ransom gain.

She told them how to spend the money till not a cent remained.

Lilly finally fell asleep mean and rude no more.

But suddenly the mine shook as she began to snore.

The two men tossed and turned all night, but Lilly did not wake.

They wondered if the price they asked might be a bit too great.

The sun came up and Lilly woke screaming she was cold

And they better start a fire if they want their gold.

She called them names and screamed and yelled late into the day.

Her voice screeching constantly like a mule's brae.

They finally had enough, they wanted to end it all.

By the time Daddy showed his face they were ready to crawl.

Slowly he approached a hundred men in tow.

Lilly yelled, "That's Jake the Snake and this one here is Joe!"

Daddy never said a word as he took them back to town.

Lilly's constant insults were the only other sound.

Soon they stopped their horses, but no where near the jail.

Their future was a sad one this much they could tell.

They watched as Lilly whispered not knowing what she said.

But by the look on Daddy's face they figured they were dead.

Daddy looked them over and they saw death within his eyes.

Before he gave their sentence he released a heavy sigh.

He said, "I hate to do this boys, but you've got a price to pay."

"I've considered all my options and it's the only way."

"One of you will go to prison and rot there all his life."

"The other will get Lilly to be his wedded wife."

Both men hit their knees begging mercy from above.

Neither wanted Lilly or her damned eternal love.

But Lilly made the final choice and never shed a tear.

"Joe's my choice for wedded bliss cuz I like the smell of fear!"