Taking Value from the Chris Brown Incident

According to USA Today, R&B singer Chris Brown, 19 was charged on March 6th by the Los Angeles County District Attorney's office with two felony assaults, one including "suspicion of making a criminal threat to a woman." The charges are the result of an incident on February 8^th, 2009 between Brown and pop singer, girlfriend, Rihanna, 21. The case has been continued to April 6^th, USA Today said.

Like many, I have been following the case for the last month catching the facts, the fiction between web sites. However it was the words of a distraught ten-year old that finally caught my attention. The young girl said to her mother (with her mother posting the remarks), "Mommy, I got up last night and prayed for Chris Brown." Yes, Baby, pray for Mr. Brown-these are serious charges.

I am concerned about the societal impact of Mr. Brown's actions. Beyond Mr. Brown's legal issues there are real implications of dating and domestic violence that impressionable minds might embrace.

Do you know someone involved in an unhealthy dating relationship? This may be a difficult question to answer honestly. But do your best. Melissa Martin, a licensed clinical counselor and survivor of domestic violence included this questionnaire in her book entitled, For Better or for Worse: A Blessing or A Curse?

Is he someone who:

• Believes men should be in control and powerful and women should be passive and submissive?
• Expects you to serve him, obey him, and jump at his commands?
• Dictates what you can wear?
• Calls (or texts) you several times a day at work?
• Accuses you of flirting with other men?
• Expects you to be the perfect woman?
• Discourages you from making friends?

Are you in an abusive relationship? Is he someone who:

• Has hit, pushed, or restrained you against your will?
• Has punched walls or broken your possessions?
• Blames you when he gets angry and loses his temper?
• Pressures you to have sex.....
• Verbally degrades women in general? (calling them bitches, hoes, etc.

Beginning to recognize the language of abuse is one of the first steps to liberation. The other important step is recognizing the lies that you tell yourself.

The list is too long and broad to include here. But I promise--once you break the barrier of one single lie, the universe will provide you direction into the Truth that will set you free. For that cause I would recommend Nancy Leigh DeMoss's Lies Women Believe. The book covers forty lies in nine chapters; there may be one lie listed that would resonate with you.

One of my pet lies is "I'm not worth anything." According to DeMoss's book, forty-two percent of the women surveyed for her book believed this lie. Lack of self-worth is not confined to one race or socio-economic group. Left untreated, it can lead to other unhealthy life choices and danger seeking activities.

So yes, Baby, pray for Chris Brown, Rihanna and the human race specifically that we learn to love and value each other more.

"Until you value yourself you will not value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it." - M. Scott Peck.

Blas, Lorena, and Carter, Kelley L. "Chris Brown facing two felony assault charges." USA Today. 6 March 2009
www.usatoday.com/life/people/2009-03-05-chris-brown-charges_N.htm

Martin, Melissa. For Better or for Worse: A Blessing or A Curse? Phoeniz: ACW Press, 1999.

DeMoss, Nancy Leigh. Lies Women Believe. Chicago: Moody Press, 2001.

Peck, M. Scott. "M.Scott Peck Quotes." ThinkExist.com. 9 March 2009
thinkexist.com/quotes/m._scott_peck